How to Use Anger as a Signal to Pause and Redirect 

Parenting Perspective 

Treat Your Anger as an Early Signal 

It is natural for parents to feel frustrated, but when anger spills out too strongly, it can leave both you and your children unsettled. Recognising this pattern is already a positive step, because it means you are aware and want to change how you respond. The key is to treat your anger not as something to suppress, but as an early signal that you need to pause before reacting. 

Notice Your Body’s Red Flags 

When you notice your body tensing or your voice beginning to rise, take that as your personal red flag. Step back, slow your breathing, and give yourself even a short pause before addressing your children. If possible, remove yourself for a moment, or simply turn away to collect your thoughts. By doing this, you are teaching your children that strong feelings can be managed, not unleashed. 

Prepare Simple Phrases in Advance 

It also helps to prepare simple phrases in advance that you can use when you feel anger rising, such as, “I need a moment to think before I respond.” This keeps communication respectful while buying you time to ground yourself. Once calm, you can guide your children with clarity instead of reacting with intensity. 

Reflect on What Triggered Your Anger 

After the moment has passed, reflect briefly on what triggered your anger. Was it tiredness, feeling unheard, or repeated misbehaviour? Knowing the root cause allows you to respond more proportionately next time. Over time, your children will learn that although you have emotions, you also model self-control, which gives them a sense of security. 

Spiritual Insight 

Strength Lies in Restraining Anger 

Islam does not ask us to be free of emotion, but to manage it with wisdom and balance. Anger itself is not forbidden, but the harm it can cause when expressed unjustly is a serious concern.  

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Aalai Imran (3), Verse 134: 

‘Those (the believers are the ones) that spend (in the way of Allah Almighty) in times of abundance and hardship; they suppress their anger; and are forgiving to people; and Allah (Almighty) loves those who are benevolent.’ 

This Verse shows that strength lies in holding back anger, linking restraint directly to goodness and closeness to Allah Almighty. 

True Strength Is Self-Mastery 

It is recorded in Sahih Al Bukhari, Book 78, Hadith 141, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The strong man is not the one who can overpower others, but the one who controls himself when he is angry.’  

This hadith reframes strength as self-mastery, not dominance. 

When you use anger as a signal to pause rather than to lash out, you are embodying this prophetic guidance. Your children will see that even strong emotions can be redirected with patience, and that discipline can come from wisdom, not harshness. In this way, you guide not only their behaviour but also their understanding of what strength and mercy look like in daily family life.