How to Rebuild Sibling Unity After a New Baby 

Parenting Perspective 

Blaming Comes from Fear of Being Unnoticed 

When a new baby arrives, especially during a time of wider upheaval, older siblings may feel their place in the family has been unsettled. Their blaming of one another often comes from the fear that their needs are not being noticed. Rather than targeting each other, what they really need is reassurance of their value within the family. 

Name Their Feelings Openly 

Start by naming their feelings openly: let each child know you understand that they feel left out at times. Giving them words for their emotions helps reduce the need to express it through blame. Make sure each child has moments of one-to-one attention, however brief, so they feel seen without competition. Even a short daily ritual, such as reading with one child while the other helps with a small task, signals that they remain important. 

Encourage Cooperation, Not Competition 

Encourage cooperation around the baby rather than competition. Small responsibilities, like fetching a nappy together or singing a lullaby side by side, can transform rivalry into shared purpose. Balance this with opportunities where the older siblings enjoy time that is not connected to the baby, so they do not feel that their role in the family has been reduced to “helpers only.” 

Focus on Problem-Solving, Not Blame 

Finally, when arguments arise, avoid assigning blame. Instead, focus on problem-solving: guide them towards finding fair solutions and remind them that family strength comes from unity, not from competing for attention. This consistency, combined with warmth, helps rebuild trust between siblings during a time of change. 

Spiritual Insight 

Make Settlement Between Your Brothers 

At times of change, children look for anchors of stability, and Islam offers guidance on building fairness and compassion within the family.  

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Hujuraat (49), Verse 10: 

‘Indeed, the believers are brothers (to each other); so, make peace with your brothers; and seek piety from Allah (Almighty) so that you may receive His Mercy.’  

This Verse reminds us that bonds are not to be broken by rivalry but mended through fairness and reconciliation. As a parent, you can model this principle by helping siblings resolve conflicts gently, showing them that unity is part of their faith. 

Be Beneficial to One Another 

It is also recorded in Sahih Al Bukhari, Book 64, Hadith 285, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The most beloved of people to Allah are those who are most beneficial to people.’ 

Applied within the family, this means guiding children to see that supporting one another and offering kindness strengthens them all. 

By validating their emotions, giving them meaningful roles, and consistently modelling fairness, you not only ease the rivalry but also ground them in the Islamic ethic of compassion and brotherhood. This reassures them that in times of upheaval, their family is still a place of unity and mercy.