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How to Create Routines for Kids With Different Needs 

Parenting Perspective 

Offer Stability With Flexibility 

It is very common for siblings to respond differently to structure. One child may find comfort in routine, while another feels it restricts their independence. Your task as a parent is to hold the balance, offering enough stability that everyone feels safe, but with enough flexibility that each child feels understood. 

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Set Non-Negotiable Anchors 

You can start by setting non-negotiable anchors in the day that apply to both children, such as mealtimes, Salah, and bedtime. These give the family a shared rhythm without overwhelming the child who dislikes too much structure. Around those anchors, you can allow some choice and freedom, especially for the child who resists routine. For example, you might say, ‘After dinner, we all have quiet time. You can choose to read or draw,’ which gives structure for one child and choice for the other. 

Respect Both Needs 

For the child who thrives on routine, reassure him that his need for order is respected. You might help him prepare checklists or small schedules for tasks that matter to him. For your daughter, keep the structure lighter and framed as options rather than rigid rules. This way, she feels included without feeling trapped. 

Communicate Openly 

It also helps to communicate openly with both children, explaining that each person in the family has different needs, and that family life is about balancing those needs. By involving them in shaping certain routines, you give them a sense of ownership, which reduces resistance. 

Model Flexibility With Firmness 

The key is consistency in your own approach as a parent. Children do not need identical rules, but they do need to trust that you are steady, fair, and responsive to their personalities. By modelling flexibility with firmness, you show them that structure is not about control, but about care and stability. 

Spiritual Insight 

Fairness Is Not Identical Treatment 

Islam teaches us that balance and fairness are essential when dealing with those under our care.  

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Nisa (4), Verse 58: 

Indeed, Allah (Almighty) commands you to execute all trusts to their rightful owners; and when you (are asked) to) judge between people, that you should judge with justice; indeed, the enlightened direction to you from Allah (Almighty) is (a beneficial) endowment; indeed, Allah (Almighty) is All Hearing and All Seeing.’  

This Verse reminds us that fairness is not about treating everyone identically, but about giving each person what is due to them with justice. For your son, fairness may mean honouring his need for routine. For your daughter, it may mean respecting her need for choice within the family’s structure. 

Make Things Easy, Do Not Make Them Difficult 

It is recorded in Sahih Al Bukhari, Book 78, Hadith 152, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Make things easy and do not make them difficult, give glad tidings and do not make people run away.’  

This Hadith highlights the importance of making guidance gentle and manageable. Applied to parenting, it means setting boundaries that nurture without creating unnecessary hardship. 

By combining consistent anchors with spaces for flexibility, and by explaining that balance is part of justice, you create a home where both children feel respected. Over time, they will learn that structure can coexist with freedom, and that family stability is built not on rigidity, but on fairness, compassion, and trust in Allah. 

Click below to discover meaningful books that nurture strong values in your child and support you on your parenting journey

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