How to Support Children Who React Differently to Change

Parenting Perspective

Both Reactions Are Signals of Need

When children respond in opposite ways to the same change, it can leave a parent feeling torn. One child’s clinginess may demand constant presence, while the other’s withdrawal might tempt you to leave them alone, yet both are signals of need. What you are experiencing is common: children process uncertainty differently, depending on temperament and age.

Recognise That Neither Reaction Is ‘Wrong’

Start by recognising that neither reaction is ‘wrong.’ For the clingy child, the fear of losing security drives the behaviour. They need extra reassurance, gentle touch, and consistent routines to remind them they are safe. For the child who shuts down, the silence is a form of protection. Rather than pushing them to open up immediately, create space by offering short invitations: ‘I am here if you want to talk,’ or ‘Shall we do something together?’ When they see that their withdrawal is met with patient presence, not pressure, they are more likely to open in their own time.

Balance With Intentional One-on-One Moments

Balance comes from being intentional. Plan small one-to-one moments with each child, even if brief. Five minutes of undivided attention with the clingy one and a quiet shared activity with the withdrawn one sends the message that you see them both. When you can, also bring them together in shared routines such as meals, family Dua, or bedtime, so they feel held in the same circle of care.

Walk Alongside Them

This approach allows each child to feel understood without you stretching yourself to breaking point. You are not required to erase their struggles, only to walk alongside them as they find their way through.

Spiritual Insight

Security and Compassion Are Foundations

In times of change, children often ask with their behaviour what they cannot voice with words: ‘Am I safe? Am I loved?’ Islam teaches us that security and compassion are foundations of family life.

Nurture a Home of Comfort

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Furqaan (25), Verse 74:

‘And those people that say: “O our Sustainer, Grant to us (those circumstances that make) our spouses and our offspring, a comfort for our eyes; and make us from those that have attained piety, and a role model”.’

This Verse highlights that children are meant to be a source of comfort, but also that parents must cultivate a home where that comfort is nurtured. When you respond to each child according to their need, you are actively fulfilling this Dua.

Mercy Is Not One-Size-Fits-All

It is recorded in Jami al-Tirmidhi, Book 27, Hadith 27, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said:

‘He is not of us who does not show mercy to our young and respect to our elders.’

This hadith reminds us that mercy is not one-size-fits-all. To show mercy is to meet children where they are, whether through warm reassurance or quiet patience.

By weaving mercy with attentiveness, you demonstrate that their different reactions do not divide your love. Instead, they teach the family that love adapts. In this way, your children learn that while change may unsettle them, your care remains steady, and above all, Allah’s mercy is constant.