How to Repair After Arguing in Front of the Kids 

Parenting Perspective 

Handle Disagreements, Do Not Avoid Them 

It is natural for parents to disagree, as no two people approach every situation the same way. What matters is not avoiding all differences, but how you handle them when they occur in front of your children. Arguments witnessed by children can make them feel unsettled or even responsible for the tension. Repairing these moments requires openness, reassurance, and consistency in how you and your spouse respond afterwards. 

Acknowledge the Disagreement 

Start by acknowledging to your children, in age-appropriate language, that parents sometimes see things differently, but that does not mean there is division in the family. You can say something simple like, ‘Mum and Dad both love you, and sometimes we have different ideas, but we always work it out together.’ This calms any fear of instability and models to your children that disagreements can be resolved respectfully. 

Revisit the Disagreement Privately 

Secondly, make sure that once the immediate tension has passed, you and your spouse revisit the disagreement privately. The goal is not to win an argument, but to agree on a united response that you can both stand by when you return to your children. If necessary, go back to your child afterwards and clarify: ‘We talked about it and decided together this is how things will be.’ This reinforces that both parents are aligned. 

Repair Is About Modelling Humility 

Repair is also about modelling humility. If either parent spoke too sharply in front of the children, a simple apology such as, ‘I should have spoken more kindly,’ not only eases tension but shows children that respect is a standard for everyone, not only for them. This teaches far more about maturity and accountability than pretending the conflict never happened. 

Spiritual Insight 

The Family Is a Place of Mercy 

From an Islamic perspective, the family unit is a place of mercy and tranquillity, and children are entrusted to parents as a shared responsibility. How parents handle differences is itself part of tarbiyyah. 

Affection and Mercy Are the Foundations 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Ar-Rum (30), Verse 21: 

‘And amongst His Signs (of the infinite truth) are that He (Allah Almighty) created for you, your (matrimonial) partners from your species so that you may find tranquility from them; and designed between you love, tolerance and kindness…’ 

This Verse reminds us that affection and mercy are the foundations of marriage. When children see parents embodying mercy even in moments of disagreement, they learn that love is not the absence of conflict but the presence of respect. 

Respectful Conduct Is a Mark of Excellence 

It is recorded in Mishkat al-Masabih, Book 13, Hadith 170, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The best of you are those who are best to their families, and I am the best among you to my family.’  

This hadith highlights that kindness and respectful conduct within the family are measures of a believer’s excellence. Showing courtesy to one another, even when opinions differ, upholds this prophetic example. 

By repairing disagreements with calm words, shared decisions, and small acts of humility, you reassure your children that their home remains secure. In this way, you not only resolve the moment but also model for them how respect, mercy, and unity are lived values in family life.