How to Celebrate One Child Without Making Another Feel Small 

Parenting Perspective 

Affirm Each Child’s Individual Journey 

It is a very real parenting tension: you want to honour the efforts of one child without discouraging the other. Children are constantly measuring themselves against their siblings, and when praise is heard, it is often interpreted as comparison, even if that was never your intention. The key is to recognise that praise is not only about rewarding the result but also about affirming the child’s individual journey. 

Make Praise Specific to the Action 

One helpful step is to make praise specific to the action, not the child’s overall worth. Instead of saying, ‘You are so smart,’ you might say, ‘I saw how hard you worked on that project and stuck with it even when it was tricky.’ This shifts the focus to effort and perseverance, which are qualities any child can develop, not fixed traits that make one child feel less capable. 

Recognise Their Own Strengths 

It is also important to ensure that the other child hears recognition in areas that reflect their own strengths. This does not mean manufacturing false praise but rather noticing what they bring to the family, whether it is kindness, creativity, helpfulness, or determination. By valuing a range of qualities, you teach your children that achievements come in many forms, and everyone has something meaningful to contribute. 

Involve Siblings in Celebrating Each Other 

You can also involve siblings in celebrating with each other. For example, you might say, ‘Let us thank Allah together for this success,’ or invite the other child to be part of a small celebration, like making a special dua together. When children feel included, they are less likely to see achievements as competition and more as something that strengthens the family as a whole. 

Acknowledge Their Feelings 

In moments when one child sulks, acknowledge their feelings without minimising them. You might say, ‘It sounds like you feel left out right now. You do not have to be the same as your brother to be special. You have your own ways of shining.’ This reassures them that their place in your love and admiration is secure. 

Spiritual Insight 

What Matters Most Is the Striving 

Islam teaches us that Allah values people differently according to their intentions and efforts, not by comparing them to others.  

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah An-Najm (53), Verses 39–41: 

‘And they shall be nothing (to account) for mankind except what he has undertaken. And indeed, whatever he has undertaken, you shall very soon observe it. Then he shall be recompensed for it with complete justice.’ 

This reminds us that what matters most is the striving, not how our results look next to someone else’s. For children, this is a powerful message: Allah is pleased with sincere effort, whether in studies, kindness, or worship. 

Deeds Are According to Intentions 

It is recorded in Sunan an-Nasai, Book 1, Hadith 75, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The deeds are but by intention, and every man will have only what he intended.’  

This Hadith further affirms that value lies in effort and intention, not in competing with others. As a parent, you can weave this lesson into daily life by celebrating sincerity and perseverance, so that each child learns to seek Allah’s approval rather than sibling comparison. 

In this way, you nurture a home where children understand that their worth is not diminished by another’s success but enriched by striving in their own unique paths.