What can I say when my child asks why I am smiling at my phone but not at them? 

Parenting Perspective 

A question like this is rarely an accusation; it is an expression of longing. To a child, a smile is a powerful sign of love and connection. When they see it directed at a screen, they can feel momentarily invisible. The best way to respond is with warmth, not defensiveness. You could pause, look at them, and say something like, ‘A friend just sent a funny message, but seeing your face is what truly makes me happy’. This acknowledges their feeling while offering immediate reassurance. 

Show Joy in Your Actions 

Words of reassurance need to be backed up by your actions. Make a conscious effort to share your smiles freely with your child throughout the day, not just in response to something on a screen. When they approach you while you are on your phone, practise putting it down, making eye contact, and greeting them with the same delight. These small but consistent gestures provide powerful proof that your deepest joy is found in your relationship with them. 

Spiritual Insight 

Our faith teaches us that showing kindness to those around us is a form of worship, and that even a simple, cheerful expression is a valued act of goodness. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Nisa (4), Verse 36: 

‘And worship Allah (Almighty) only, and do not ascribe to anything instead of Him (Allah Almighty); (which amounts to  icon worshipping/paganism); and with parents (proceed with them favourably), and with close relatives and friends and impoverished (people); and your neighbour that is close to your neighbourhood, and the neighbour that is remote from you; and the companion by your side and the traveller and those (women) that are legally bound to you; indeed, Allah (Almighty) does not love those who are deceitful and arrogant…‘ 

This comprehensive verse reminds us that being good to those around us, especially our family and companions ‘at our side’, is a command linked directly to the worship of Allah. Offering them our presence and warmth is part of this duty. 

It is recorded in Mishkaat al Masaabih, Hadith 1894, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Do not belittle any good deed, even meeting your brother with a cheerful face.’ 

The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ teaches us that no good deed is too small to be valued, including something as simple as a cheerful expression. When we offer this smile freely and sincerely to our children, it is a simple but profound act of goodness that nurtures their heart and earns a spiritual reward.