How can I encourage the older child to model healthy tech use without putting pressure on them? 

Parenting Perspective 

Older siblings often hold more influence over younger ones than parents realise, making them powerful role models. Encouraging your older child to set a positive example with their technology use is a valuable goal, but it must be approached in a way that feels like a natural expression of leadership, not a burdensome responsibility. 

You Must Model the Behaviour First 

Before you can ask your older child to be a role model, you must first be one yourself. Children are far more likely to adopt behaviours they see consistently in their parents. When you handle your own tech use mindfully—putting your phone away during conversations and engaging in non-screen hobbies—your older child will absorb the lesson that balance is a family norm, not just a rule directed at them. 

Frame It as Leadership, Not Policing 

Frame the idea of healthy tech use as an act of loving guidance towards their younger sibling, rather than as a job to enforce rules. You can affirm their positive influence by saying things like, “Your brother really looks up to you, and it is so helpful when he sees you choosing to read a book.” This presents their good habits as a form of positive leadership and care, which is far more inspiring than being asked to police someone else. 

Celebrate Their Positive Efforts 

Actively notice and praise the moments when your older child naturally chooses screen-free activities or includes their younger sibling in something creative and offline. A simple, appreciative comment like, “I loved seeing you two building that model together,” works far better than constantly pointing out their mistakes. Genuine encouragement fosters a desire to continue, whereas criticism builds resentment. 

Keep the Conversation Light and Organic 

Rather than sitting them down for a formal lecture on being a role model, weave small reminders about tech balance into your daily life. A light-hearted comment or a gentle question is much more effective than a heavy-handed approach. This reduces any feeling of constant scrutiny and allows healthier habits to grow more organically. 

When your guidance feels more like appreciation and trust than a set of obligations, older children are far more likely to rise to the occasion and embrace their role as a positive influence. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam recognises the immense power of a good example and the responsibility that comes with being in a position of influence, especially within the family. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Ahzaab (33), Verse 21: 

‘Indeed, there is for you (O mankind) in (the personality of) the Messenger of Allah (Almighty) (Prophet Muhammad ﷺ), an outstanding example of incredible benevolence; it is for those people that have hope in Allah (Almighty) and the Day of Judgement…’ 

This verse establishes the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ as the ultimate role model. It reminds us that leading through our own good example is one of the most powerful and effective forms of teaching. 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 2674, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Whoever guides someone to goodness will have a reward like that of the one who does it.’ 

This beautiful hadith teaches us that inspiring good actions in others carries the same divine reward as performing the good deed yourself. By gently sharing this principle with your older child, you can help them see their positive influence not as a burden, but as a source of immense blessing and a way to earn good deeds. This reframes their role from one of pressure to one of spiritual opportunity.