What if my other children feel left out? 

Parenting Perspective 

Recognising the Signs 

When a child needs extra support, such as with special educational needs (SEN), it is common for their siblings to feel overlooked or less important. These feelings can build up quietly, leading to jealousy, resentment, or acting out. The best starting point is awareness, notice small signs like attention-seeking behaviour or your child saying, ‘You always help him, not me.’ 

Creating One-to-One Time and Validating Feelings 

Create regular one-to-one time with each child, even if it is just ten minutes of playing, reading, or having a snack together without interruptions. Use this time to listen, let them share what they find hard about having a brother or sister who needs more help. Validate their feelings instead of dismissing them with ‘You should not feel that way.’ Children feel secure when they know their emotions are heard and accepted. 

Sharing Attention and Offering Choices 

Look for small ways to share your attention daily: a gentle touch on the shoulder, a special note in a lunchbox, or praising something they did well, unrelated to their sibling’s needs. Give them choices when possible so they feel a sense of control: ‘Would you like to help with your brother’s game today or read your book while I help him?’ Explain that fair does not always mean equal, sometimes one child needs more help, but each one is equally loved. 

Involving Siblings Without Creating a Burden 

Involve your other children in simple, age-appropriate ways to help their sibling if they wish but never make them feel it is their duty. Balance this with time when they can be just themselves, free of extra responsibility. A child who feels valued and seen is more likely to grow in empathy instead of jealousy. 

Spiritual Insight 

In Islam, fairness and compassion within the family are part of your Amanah. It is your responsibility to ensure that each child feels secure in their place in your heart. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Nahl (16), Verse 90: 

‘Indeed, Allah commands justice, the doing of good, and giving to relatives… ‘

This Ayah reminds us that true justice in family life is not always about treating everyone the same but giving each what they truly need. 

Holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ was known for his beautiful fairness with children. It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 1623, that holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Fear Allah and treat your children [fairly and] equally. ‘

Fairness includes the warmth of extra hugs, the patience to listen, and the wisdom to share your time with balance. 

Remind your other children that their kindness and understanding are acts that please Allah Almighty. Gently teach them that supporting one another, even when it feels hard, brings reward and strengthens family ties. Encourage them to make a small Dua for their sibling and themselves: O Allah Almighty, help us love each other and stay close. With love, honesty, and spiritual reminders, you can turn feelings of neglect into trust and connection that benefit the whole family.