How to Find Out What Your Child Needs from You Now 

Parenting Perspective 

When you want to rebuild closeness, the temptation can be to focus on showing your efforts rather than discovering your child’s reality. The first step is shifting from telling to asking. A parent in your situation benefits from approaching their child with genuine curiosity, creating space for them to express what matters most to them right now. 

Use Gentler, More Specific Questions 

Instead of broad questions like “What do you need from me?”, which can feel heavy, use gentler and more specific ones such as, “Do you want me to listen or give advice right now?” or “What helps you feel supported after a hard day?” This shows that you are paying attention to their current stage of life rather than imposing your own assumptions. 

Observe Their Daily Patterns 

Observe their daily patterns too. Sometimes children reveal their needs through actions more than words. If your child lingers around you, it may signal they crave presence; if they share small details about their day, they may be testing whether you will listen without distraction. Meeting those moments with patience and attention builds trust quietly but powerfully. 

Finally, make sure your conversations are not centred on your guilt, regret, or desire for reassurance. Children can feel burdened when asked to validate a parent’s change. Keep your focus on them, letting your consistency over time demonstrate that this new beginning is about their well-being, not your relief. 

Spiritual Insight 

The noble Quran emphasises deep listening and understanding before responding. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Israa (17), verse 36: 

‘And do not pursue (to meddle in matters) with which you have no knowledge; indeed, your hearing (everything you heard), your sight (everything you observed), your conscience (everything you thought), in fact, all of these (your faculties) shall be called for questioning (on the Day of Judgement).’ 

This Verse reminds us to use our hearing and our hearts with care. For a parent, this means resisting assumptions about what a child needs, and instead observing, listening, and seeking clarity with humility. True knowledge of your child’s needs requires patience, not presumption. 

The Prophetic Model: You Are a Shepherd 

It is recorded in Mishkat al-Masabih that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Each of you is a shepherd, and each of you will be asked about his flock.’ 

[Mishkat al-Masabih,18:25] 

This hadith reinforces that parenting is an entrusted responsibility. Being a shepherd means tending to the specific needs of each member of the flock, not treating them all the same or based on one’s own convenience. In your case, it means actively seeking to understand your child’s present needs rather than leading from assumption or habit. 

By asking thoughtful questions, listening with patience, and observing with humility, you show your child that your desire for a fresh start is rooted in their well-being. Over time, this steadiness will help them feel safe to reveal what they truly need, allowing the new chapter to be built on trust rather than pressure.