How to Use Islamic Reminders in Discipline Without Shaming 

Parenting Perspective 

It is wise of you to recognise the delicate balance between guiding your child towards Deen and unintentionally making them feel ashamed. The goal of discipline is to teach, not to crush the spirit of a child. When Islamic reminders are used harshly or in anger, they can feel more like punishment than guidance. However, when shared with calmness, gentleness, and a focus on encouragement, they can nurture a child’s love for Allah Almighty and strengthen their moral compass. 

Separate the Behaviour from the Child’s Identity 

A practical approach is to separate the behaviour from the child’s identity. Instead of saying, ‘You are being bad, Islam forbids this,’ you could say, ‘This action is not pleasing, and we are taught better in our Deen.’ This makes the correction about the deed, not about who the child is. It prevents them from internalising shame and helps them understand that they are still loved, even when their actions need adjusting. 

Timing Matters 

Timing also matters. In the heat of the moment, Islamic reminders can feel heavy or accusatory. Sometimes it is better to first de-escalate, correct the behaviour, and later bring in a gentle reminder of what Islam teaches. A calm conversation after emotions have cooled allows the child to reflect without defensiveness. 

You can also model wisdom by balancing reminders with encouragement. For example, when a child shows honesty, kindness, or self-control, link it back to the pleasure of Allah Almighty. This way, your child experiences Deen not only through correction but also through affirmation, which builds positive associations with Islamic values. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam itself teaches correction with mercy, not humiliation. Allah Almighty loves it when His people show mercy to others. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Nahal (16), verse 125: 

‘Invite (people) to (follow) the (prescribed) pathways of your Sustainer with wisdom, and polite enlightened direction, and only argue with them in the politest manner….’ 

This Verse reminds us that even in correction and guidance, the tone should be wise, gentle, and aimed at nurturing growth. For parents, this means that discipline anchored in Islam should never become a tool of fear or shame, but rather a doorway to reflection and better choices. 

The Prophetic Model: The Love of Gentleness 

It is recorded in Sunan Ibn Majah that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Allah is gentle and loves gentleness in all things.’ 

[Sunan Ibn Majah,33:33] 

Applying this to discipline shows that a parent’s role is to guide with gentleness. The calmer and more merciful the delivery, the more likely a child is to absorb the lesson with an open heart. 

By ensuring that your Islamic reminders are delivered with wisdom, separated from anger, and balanced with encouragement, you can build a home where Deen is seen as a source of love and guidance. In this way, discipline becomes not a moment of shame, but a moment of nurturing faith and character.