How to Learn and Grow Without Feeding Your Insecurity 

Parenting Perspective 

Feeling disheartened by parenting advice is more common than many admit. In the attempt to ‘do better,’ it is easy to fall into a loop of self-doubt, interpreting every suggestion as a sign of what you are not doing. This becomes especially painful when you already feel that you are outperforming everything.  

Relate to Advice Differently 

The key shift is in how you relate to advice. Not every parenting idea is a judgement on your worth. A parent’s identity does not need to be rebuilt every time new information is offered. You are allowed to grow without being ashamed of where you started. 

Approach Advice as a Buffet 

Instead of viewing advice as a checklist of what you should be doing, approach it as a open choice where some things will be useful now, some later, and some never. Focus on learning in little, intentional ways, choose one area that genuinely feels like a good fit for your values and energy, and build there. When advice creates a sense of guilt instead of clarity, that is not growth but that is overload. 

Set a Personal Boundary 

It also helps to set a personal boundary: separate your moments of parenting from your moments of learning. When you are with your child, focus on being present. When you are learning, focus on reflection, not performance. That separation will protect your peace and preserve your confidence. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islamic growth is never defined by perfection or comparison. The foundation of spiritual and emotional growth lies in humility and sincerity, not performance. You are not meant to feel crushed by your desire to improve. 

A Reminder Not to Pass Judgement 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Hujuraat (49), verse 11: 

‘Those of you who are believers, do not let a nation ridicule another nation, as perhaps it may be that they are better than them….and do not insult each other; and do not call each other by (offensive) nicknames; how bad is it to be called by nefarious names after the attainment of faith; and whoever does not repent then they shall be from those imbued with ignorance.’ 

This verse teaches restraint, respect, and the importance of not passing judgement on others, or oneself. When a parent belittles their own efforts, they risk falling into a mindset that Allah has warned us against. 

The Prophetic Model: Gentleness with Yourself 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim that the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Indeed, Allah is gentle and loves gentleness in all affairs. ‘

[Sunan Ibn Majah, 33:33] 

Let this be your anchor which would be a guiduing support for you. Gentleness with yourself is not self-indulgence, it is a principle promoted by Islam. Allow your growth to be slow, soft, and steady. You are allowed to learn with dignity, not shame.