After an argument, I sometimes talk to my child about how I felt. Could that be bordering on emotional burden or even inappropriate venting? 

Parenting Perspective 

Yes, sharing your feelings with your child after an argument can easily cross the line from healthy transparency into an emotional burden, especially if your child is young or your feelings are still raw. While the intention may be to model emotional openness, children are simply not equipped to hold the weight of adult emotions. When you share details like, “I felt so hurt when your father said that,” your child may instinctively feel responsible for fixing the situation, choosing a side, or emotionally rescuing you. Even if they offer comfort, it often comes from a place of their own internal stress, not mature empathy. The crucial question to ask yourself is: am I sharing this for my child’s benefit, or for my own emotional relief? 

Emotionally safe honesty vs inappropriate venting 

It is perfectly acceptable to offer a simple, reassuring statement like, “Mummy was feeling a little sad earlier, but I am okay now,” or, “Sometimes grown-ups get upset, but it is never your job to fix it.” These statements offer reassurance without transferring any emotional weight. It is important to avoid painting yourself as the victim or your spouse as the cause, even indirectly, as children can internalise these subtle loyalties. The golden rule is this: if what you share leaves your child feeling heavy, conflicted, or confused, it has become an inappropriate burden. If you need to process your feelings, speak to another adult. Allow your child to remain a child, not your confidant. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islamic parenting places a strong emphasis on the amanah (trust) we hold to nurture our children in a way that honours their emotional and spiritual capacity. While our faith encourages truthfulness, it does not permit us to unburden ourselves at the expense of another’s wellbeing, especially a child’s. The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ was emotionally honest, but he never used that openness to offload his own emotional burdens onto those more vulnerable than him. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Ahzaab (33), Verse 72: 

‘Indeed, We (Allah Almighty) presented (other species) within the layers of trans-universal existence and the Earth and the mountains to be entrusted (with discretion in their actions); so they refused to bear (the weight of that discretion) ….but mankind chose to bear (the burden of such discretion); indeed, (as it turned out some of mankind) became unjust and ignorant (in making those choices). ‘

This verse is a profound reminder of the immense weight of the emotional and moral responsibility that we carry. It is a trust we must not shift onto the shoulders of our children, no matter how small the burden may seem. 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 2318a, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘He who does not show mercy to our children is not one of us. ‘

The mercy mentioned here absolutely includes emotional protection. It means guarding a child from being drawn into the emotional complexities of adult conflicts, no matter how gently you might try to frame them. Therefore, while it is important to model emotional literacy, we must remember that healthy modelling is not the same as emotional venting. Let your child see that feelings are valid, but also let them see that adults are responsible for managing their own hearts. In doing so, you show them an example of both love and true spiritual maturity.