During arguments, we sometimes say things like ‘You always do this’ or ‘You never care’. Could this be considered unfair speech (zulm) in Islam? 

Parenting Perspective 

Yes, statements like, “You always do this,” may feel like an emotional release in the heat of an argument, but they often constitute a form of unfair speech. They distort reality, damage trust, and plant seeds of resentment, not only between spouses but also in the hearts of children who overhear them. These sweeping generalisations erase all the moments of goodness that do not fit the angry narrative of the moment. They reduce a person to their worst patterns and ignore all their positive efforts. When children hear this kind of language, it teaches them to argue with exaggeration and to use shame as a weapon. It is a mindset that leads to fragile relationships and poor emotional regulation. 

The emotional weight of exaggerated accusations 

This kind of absolute language often springs from deep frustration, but it leaves no room for growth or repair. Instead of highlighting a specific behaviour, it becomes an attack on a person’s character; the phrase, “You never care,” for instance, implies a complete absence of compassion. Over time, your spouse will likely stop hearing your underlying concern and feel only the blame. To break this cycle, practise naming the specific behaviour and your feeling in response to it: “I felt unheard just now when…” or, “I am struggling with this pattern; can we please talk about it?” This approach allows for honesty without being unnecessarily hurtful, and your children will learn that a disagreement does not have to involve distortion. 

Spiritual Insight 

In the Islamic tradition, zulm (injustice) is not limited to physical harm; it absolutely includes verbal injustice, unfair accusations, and emotionally destructive speech. When we say things that exaggerate or generalise a person’s character in a moment of anger, we risk committing zulm with our tongues. The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ was deeply conscious of this danger and taught his companions to guard their words as a critical part of their accountability to Allah. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Qaaf (50), Verse 18: 

‘(Man) is unable to utter a single word, without him being closely observed (and all actions being recorded)… ‘

This verse is a sobering reminder that every single word matters, not just those containing profanity, but also the sharp, exaggerated ones we might utter in anger and hope will be forgotten. 

It is recorded in Riyadh Al Saliheen, Hadith 203, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Do not oppress one another… and beware of injustice, for injustice will be darkness on the Day of Judgement. ‘

Verbal injustice can feel like a small thing in the moment, but it accumulates weight in the sight of Allah, especially when it is directed at those we are entrusted to honour, such as our spouse. Therefore, when arguments are framed with exaggerated language that misrepresents another person’s efforts, it can indeed fall into the category of zulm. However, every time you choose precision over generalisation, mercy over ego, and repair over blame, you return to the prophetic path of justice. In doing so, you teach your children what true strength in speech really looks like.