Sometimes we fight in the car with our child quietly looking out the window. Could this be building quiet emotional trauma even if they say nothing? 

Parenting Perspective 

Yes, absolutely. A child’s silence during conflict should not be mistaken for resilience; it is very often a sign of internalisation. When you argue in the car while your child quietly stares out of the window, they may appear calm, but internally they are likely feeling tense, fearful, or confused. The confined space of a vehicle amplifies the emotional intensity. They cannot walk away or find a distraction; they can only absorb the tension. Over time, repeated exposure to unresolved conflict in such close quarters can quietly shape their entire understanding of love, disagreement, and how to process their own emotions. 

The primary concern is not the argument itself, but the lack of emotional closure that follows. Children need to see and feel a resolution. If they are repeatedly left with unresolved tension, they may begin to assume that emotional distance is normal, or even conclude that they are somehow the cause of the conflict. After an argument in the car, it is vital to check in with them later that day: “I know it was tense in the car earlier. I want you to know that it was not your fault, and we are working on handling our disagreements better.” There is no need for a lengthy explanation. The goal is to create emotional space and offer reassurance. When children witness adults argue and then make amends with tenderness and accountability, conflict becomes a lesson in repair, not just rupture. 

Signs of Silent Absorption in Children 

• They withdraw or become unusually quiet in the aftermath of a tense event. 

• They try to distract or cheer you up, taking on a caretaking role. 

• They develop unexplained physical symptoms, such as headaches or stomach aches. 

• They avoid expressing their own feelings for fear of “causing more trouble.” 

Spiritual Insight 

In the Islamic worldview, providing emotional safety is a core part of our amanah, the sacred trust we hold as parents. A child’s silence in the face of conflict is not a sign of their approval or indifference. It is a sacred signal that requires us to listen with more than just our ears; we must listen with our hearts. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Israa (17), Verses 36: 

‘And do not pursue (to meddle in matters) with which you have no knowledge; indeed, your hearing (everything you heard), your sight (everything you observed), your conscience (everything you thought), in fact, all of these (your faculties) shall be called for questioning (on the Day of Judgement). ‘

This verse serves as a profound reminder that we are responsible not only for what we say and do, but also for what we fail to notice, particularly the unspoken feelings of those in our care. 

It is recorded in Sunan Ibn Majah, Hadith 3689, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Allah is gentle and loves gentleness in all matters. ‘

Our tone during moments of conflict, especially when witnessed by a child, should strive to reflect this prophetic gentleness. Even when we fall short, what truly matters is our return to this principle. We must return to reassure, to repair, and to remind our child that love includes the ability to listen, especially when no words are being spoken.