My parents are warm, my in-laws are cold. Our child notices the difference. How do we keep their heart soft without letting them develop bias or hurt? 

Parenting Perspective 

It is entirely normal for children to compare the vitality and treatment they receive from various adults in their lives. When one half of the family is consistently affectionate and the other is emotionally distant, children not only notice the difference, but also interpret it as rejection, unfairness, or personal fault. Without instruction, their heart may harden towards one side or muddle their idea of love and value. However, the purpose is not to make someone feel something they do not. It is to assist them make room for complexity. 

Start by validating their perception gently: “Yes, some people show love with hugs, others with presence or small gestures.” Instead of over-explaining or sugarcoating, demonstrate how to tolerate differences without assigning blame. Highlight instances of quiet care, even if they are subtle, such as a grandmother preparing a beloved dish or recalling an important event. This teaches children that warmth has multiple languages. At the same time, continue to validate their emotional impulses. If anything felt cold or cruel, children should feel free to express it – rather than being instructed to conceal it for the sake of adult harmony. Your consistent framing teaches children sensitivity and discernment. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam recognises that people have different temperaments, but it does not condone emotional coldness, which causes harm, particularly within families. The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ shown warmth for everyone, regardless of personality, status, or closeness. His mercy was rooted in his character, not just his mood. He made individuals who were marginalised feel seen and valued. Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Tawbah (9), Verse 128: 

‘Without any doubt, there has come to you (O mankind), the Prophet (Muhammad ﷺ) from amongst yourself; (the thought) of your suffering weighs heavily upon him, he is extremely desirous (for the best) for you; and remains most compassionate and most merciful for the believers.’ 

This line exemplifies how genuine affection comes from worry rather than just expression. And this is what we encourage our children to seek and demonstrate. It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 2318a, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘He who does not show mercy (towards his children), no mercy would be shown to him ‘

Mercy is more than simply hugs and smiles. It expresses attentiveness, inclusivity, and warmth in attitude. Helping your child recognise silent types of love without disregarding their sentiments nurtures a heart that remains gentle, fair, and spiritually aligned, regardless of the emotional weather around them.