When my spouse compliments me, I often brush it off. Could that teach our child to downplay appreciation and affection? 

Parenting Perspective 

The Unintended Lesson 

Consistently discarding compliments, even in jest, can indirectly demonstrate to a child that expressions of compassion and affection are unwarranted, unnecessary, or even undeserved. Children learn not only what is spoken, but also how their parents receive love. If they observe that praise is frequently dismissed with sarcasm, minimised with a joke, or diverted with discomfort, they may internalise the assumption that gratitude is difficult or unwelcome. While humility is a virtue, rejecting verbal affection too frequently conveys the idea that either love must be continuously demonstrated or that emotional openness is risky. It may also unintentionally discourage the other parent from continuing to deliver good comments, thus weakening the emotional bond in the home. 

How to Model Graceful Reception 

Receiving a compliment with elegance, even if it feels awkward at first, teaches children that love and kindness should not only be provided, but also embraced. A simple “thank you” combined with a kind expression teaches far more than a lengthy speech. It demonstrates to the child that mutual appreciation is an essential component of a healthy relationship and should not be avoided. If deflection has become a habit, you can start changing it by giving yourself permission to halt, breathe, and respond with presence rather than instinct. Even a warm smile and a quick moment of acknowledgement might help to reshape the emotional tone your child is exposed to every day. These subtle changes foster an atmosphere in which affection is appreciated rather than avoided. 

Spiritual Insight 

Receiving affection with humility and thankfulness is a kind of emotional sunnah. The holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ expressed and received love with grace, demonstrating kindness through presence and gratitude. Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Ibraheem (14), Verse 7: 

‘….If you show gratitude, I (Allah Almighty) will indeed, amplify them for you (provisions and sustenance)…’ 

Gratitude is not limited to blessings; it includes love, care, and praise as well. When we embrace compassion with an open heart, we are fostering a circle of love in our family. It is also recorded in Sunan Abu Dawood, Hadith 4811, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said, 

‘He who does not thank people, does not thank Allah. ‘

This hadith emphasises the spiritual significance of human appreciation, even among couples. Brushing aside a compliment may appear insignificant, yet genuine appreciation is a type of emotional worship and a mark of good character. Allowing your child to witness praise given and received with dignity teaches them a valuable lesson: love is more than just giving; it is also about making space to receive, with kindness, thanks, and grace.