My child deliberately ignores my instructions, even when I know they heard me. What do I do right then and there? 

Parenting Perspective 

When your child clearly hears you but chooses not to respond, it can feel like a direct challenge to your authority—and often, it is. Ignoring instructions is a form of passive resistance and a common way for children to test boundaries. If this behaviour is not addressed effectively, it can become a habit, teaching the child that ignoring an instruction is a valid way to avoid it. 

Responding in the Moment 

In that immediate situation, it is crucial that you do not plead, repeat the instruction, or raise your voice. This approach only teaches your child that your words do not carry weight until you become audibly upset. Instead, your response should be calm, swift, and decisive. 

Close the physical distance between you, get down to their eye level if necessary, and state firmly but quietly, ‘I asked you to do this, and I expect you to do it now’. If they continue to ignore you, you must act. 

The Power of Calm Follow-Through 

Action without emotional drama is the most effective tool. For example, if you asked your child to turn off a device and they ignored you, you should walk over, turn it off yourself, and state the consequence calmly: ‘Since you chose not to listen, you will not have access to this device tomorrow’. 

After stating the consequence, walk away. Do not wait for a reaction or engage in an argument. The consequence must be logical and immediate. This demonstrates that your authority is based on consistent action, not emotional reaction. 

Reinforcing Respect Long-Term 

Later, when things are calm, address the behaviour directly. You can say, ‘When I speak to you, I expect a response. Ignoring me is disrespectful, and it will always have a consequence’. Keep the conversation brief and firm. At the same time, highlight the positive alternative: ‘When you listen and respond the first time, you earn more of my trust and more of your own independence’. 

Finally, ensure you are not overwhelming your child with constant instructions. Children tend to tune out when they feel micromanaged. Reserve your direct commands for matters that are genuinely important. 

Spiritual Insight 

In Islam, obedience to parents is built on a foundation of respect and clear communication, not fear. A child learns to listen not through coercion, but because the family structure is stable, just, and dignified. 

The Dignity of Parental Authority 

This verse not only outlines a child’s duty to their parents but also implies the standard for parental communication: it must be noble, clear, and worthy of respect. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Isra (17), Verse 23: 

‘And your Lord has decreed that you not worship except Him, and to parents, good treatment. Whether one or both of them reach old age [while] with you, say not to them [so much as], ‘uff,’ and do not repel them but speak to them a noble word. ‘

Leadership as a Sacred Trust 

This Hadith frames the role of a parent as that of a guardian who is responsible for their trust. Part of upholding that trust is ensuring that household boundaries are not only stated but also maintained with calm consistency. 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 1829, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Beware, every one of you is a guardian and every one of you shall be questioned with regard to his trust.‘

Teaching your child that listening is non-negotiable is a crucial part of honouring the role you have been given. This is best achieved by meeting disobedience with steady, predictable action rather than with pleading or anger.