One of us is a revert and sees parenting differently. How do we respect that while still giving our child consistency? 

Parenting Perspective 

When one parent is a revert, their unique background can bring incredible richness to the family, but differences in parenting styles can also create confusion for a child. The key is not to erase these differences, but to harmonise them around your shared Islamic principles. 

Focus on Your Shared Goals 

Begin by having a private conversation about the core values you both want to instil in your child. While your methods might differ, your ultimate goals—to raise a child who is kind, honest, respectful, and loves Allah—are almost certainly the same. Building on this common ground is the first step to unity. 

Create a Core Parenting Framework Together 

Agree on a few non-negotiable household rules and principles. This does not have to be a rigid list, but a clear understanding of your family’s approach to key areas like prayer, manners, and discipline. This shared framework provides the consistency your child needs to feel secure. 

Respect Each Other’s Backgrounds 

It is vital to approach your differences with mutual respect. The revert parent may be learning and unlearning, while the born-Muslim parent must remember that true Islamic parenting is based on the Quran and Sunnah, not just cultural habits. A beautiful approach is to replace ‘This is how I was raised’ with ‘Let us see what Islam teaches us about this together’. 

Present a United Front to Your Child 

No matter what you discuss privately, always present decisions to your child as a team. Using language like, ‘Mummy and I have decided…’ or ‘We both feel it is important that…’ shows your child that you are a loving and united leadership team. This consistency is what builds their trust and security. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam honours each person’s unique journey to faith and emphasises that unity and mutual patience between spouses are essential for a strong family. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Anfal (8), Verse 46: 

‘And obey Allah and His Messenger, and do not dispute and [thus] lose courage and [then] your strength would depart. And be patient. Indeed, Allah is with the patient…‘ 

This verse is a powerful reminder that parental disputes weaken the entire family structure. For a couple from different backgrounds, it is crucial to avoid letting your differences become a source of conflict. By patiently working to align your parenting, you preserve the “strength” of your family and earn the support of Allah. 

The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ taught that strength of faith is a goal for all believers. 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, 2664, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The strong believer is better and more beloved to Allah than the weak believer, while there is good in both.‘ 

This hadith reminds us that every believer is on a journey of growth. Whether one parent is a revert still learning or a born-Muslim striving to improve, both are valued by Allah. By supporting each other with mercy and respect on this shared journey, you not only strengthen your own faith but also provide a powerful, unified example for your child.