My child imitates the way we speak to each other. How do we make sure we are modelling respectful communication? 

Parenting Perspective 

Children are emotional sponges; they absorb the tone and tenor of our communication far more than the words themselves. If they witness raised voices or dismissive language, they will learn that this is a normal way to interact. To change this pattern, parents must first become more conscious of their own habits. 

Increase Your Own Self-Awareness 

The first step is to notice the moments when your tone begins to escalate. Agree with your spouse on a gentle, non-verbal signal—like a light touch on the arm—that you can use to remind each other to pause and lower your voice. This small act of mindfulness can prevent a tense moment from becoming a negative lesson for your child. 

Repair After a Rupture 

When you do slip up and speak harshly, it is crucial to repair the moment. Once you are calm, you can say to your child, ‘I am sorry I raised my voice earlier. I was feeling stressed, and I am working on using a calmer tone’. This models humility and accountability, teaching them that relationships can be mended after a mistake. 

Hold Private ‘Parent Team’ Reviews 

Set aside a quiet time with your spouse to reflect on your communication patterns. Ask each other, ‘Was there a moment this week where we could have been a better team in front of the kids?’ This private check-in allows you to align your strategies without blame, strengthening your parental unity. 

Celebrate Calm Communication 

Actively notice and appreciate when your spouse handles a difficult situation with a calm and gentle tone. A simple, ‘Thank you for being so patient with that just now; it really helped keep the peace,’ reinforces the behaviour you both want to see. When your child sees you appreciating each other’s gentleness, they learn to value it too. 

Spiritual Insight 

In Islam, the way we speak is a direct reflection of our faith. The home is the primary training ground where a child learns the prophetic qualities of gentle and purposeful communication. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Isra (17), Verse 53: 

‘And tell My servants to say that which is best. Indeed, Satan induces [dissension] among them…‘ 

This verse is a direct command to use the “best” of words, especially with family, because harsh speech is an opening for Satan to create conflict and discord. By consciously choosing a calm and respectful tone, parents are not just managing their home; they are actively closing the door to Shaytan. 

The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ repeatedly emphasised the importance of controlling one’s anger. 

It is recorded in Sahih al-Bukhari, 6116, that a man came to the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ and said, ‘Advise me.’ The Prophet ﷺ said: 

‘‘Do not get angry.’ The man repeated his request several times, and he said, ‘Do not get angry.’‘ 

This powerful hadith highlights that controlling one’s temper is a cornerstone of good character. When parents model this self-restraint, they give their child a living example of prophetic strength and teach them that true authority comes from calmness, not volume.