When I try to share something about our child, my spouse often shuts down or changes the subject. How do I get them to engage? 

Parenting Perspective 

When one parent consistently avoids conversations about your child, it can lead to inconsistent parenting and leave you feeling isolated. The key to re-engaging them is to create a sense of emotional safety, approaching the issue as a team challenge, not a personal failing. 

Choose the Right Time and Tone 

Approach your partner during a neutral, calm moment—never in the middle of a conflict. Frame your concern as a request for partnership. You could say, ‘I would really value your thoughts on this situation with our son. Could we find ten minutes this evening to talk it through together?’ This invites collaboration rather than demanding it. 

Offer Different Ways to Communicate 

If face-to-face conversations feel too intense for your spouse, suggest other methods. A shared notebook or a messaging app can be a less confrontational space to share brief observations or concerns. The goal is to open a line of communication, even if it is unconventional. 

Acknowledge Their Strengths 

Start by affirming what they do well. You could say, ‘I really admire how patient you are with her. I would love to hear your perspective on this, as I think it would help me’. When your partner feels seen and appreciated, they are more likely to lower their defences and engage. 

Validate Their Silence but Express the Impact 

If they remain quiet, acknowledge their difficulty without judgment. You can say, ‘I can see this is difficult to talk about. It makes me feel a bit alone in figuring things out, but I know we can handle it together when you are ready’. This is an honest expression of your feelings that builds trust instead of resentment. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam is built on the foundation of unity, consultation, and mercy between spouses, which creates a stable and loving environment for a child. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Anfal (8), Verse 46: 

‘And obey Allah and His Messenger, and do not dispute and [thus] lose courage and [then] your strength would depart; and be patient. Indeed, Allah is with the patient…‘ 

This verse teaches that disunity and discord lead to a loss of strength. When parents are not aligned, the “strength” of their family unit is weakened, and the child can feel this instability. Working patiently to rebuild communication is an act of obedience that preserves the family’s core strength. 

The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ established the highest standard for spousal conduct. 

It is recorded in Jami at-Tirmidhi, 3895, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The best of you are those who are best to their families, and I am the best of you to my family.‘ 

This hadith reminds us that being an engaged, supportive, and communicative parenting partner is not an optional extra; it is the very measure of who is “best” in the sight of Allah. It elevates the act of working together as a parenting team to one of the highest expressions of faith and good character.