What should I do if my child does not seem to care about praise? 

Parenting Perspective 

Understanding Different Forms of Affirmation 

Not all children respond to praise in the same way. While some light up with verbal encouragement, others might appear indifferent, even resistant. This does not mean they are ungrateful or uninterested; it may simply mean they receive love and motivation differently. Instead of feeling discouraged, take time to observe what genuinely resonates with your child. Perhaps words are not their preferred form of affirmation. They may respond more deeply to actions, such as shared time, thoughtful gestures, or simply being noticed and respected. 

Using Specific and Observant Praise 

Avoid overusing general phrases like ‘Well done’ or ‘Good job,’ which may feel empty over time.¹ Instead, be specific and observant: ‘I saw how you stayed calm when your project did not work out the first time, that took real patience,’ or ‘You really listened carefully during that conversation.’ These kinds of comments show that you truly see their character, not just their achievements. This helps them build internal motivation, rather than depending on external validation. 

Exploring Alternative Forms of Encouragement 

Consider alternative forms of encouragement too, spending one-on-one time, writing a little note, offering to bake their favourite treat together, or even simply smiling at the right moment. These gestures can feel more sincere than words for a child who values quiet affirmation over praise. The goal is not to make them care about praise, but to find ways to communicate appreciation that match their personality. When encouragement feels authentic and consistent, it quietly builds self-worth and emotional security. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam teaches that every soul is created uniquely, with its own capacity, temperament, and path. The beauty of our Deen is in its adaptability; it meets people where they are. 

Allah Almighty says in the noble Quran at Surah Al Baqarah (2), Verse 286: 

“Allah (Almighty) does not place any burden on any human being except that which is within his capacity… “

This verse not only offers comfort but affirms that each person’s journey is respected by Divine wisdom, including how they process encouragement and accountability. 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 1783c, that holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ would tailor his words and actions based on the person before him. Some companions were uplifted with gentle praise, others through quiet presence, and some through acts of trust and responsibility. He ﷺ understood that honouring someone’s temperament was a form of mercy. Your child deserves that same thoughtful consideration. 

When your child seems unmoved by praise, do not rush to change them, instead, refine your approach. Reflect on their preferences as part of their unique fitrah and adapt your love to reach their heart more effectively. Say a Dua for guidance in this: ‘O Allah, help me understand my child as You have created them.’ 

By respecting your child’s emotional language, you echo the Prophetic model of intentional, tailored care. Praise then becomes not a tool of motivation, but a quiet act of love, sincere, appropriate, and deeply rooted in compassion.