Parenting Perspective 

Children are highly sensitive and quickly absorb the messages that their parents give them through words. If we use labels like, ‘You are naughty,’ or ‘You are lazy,’ they may start to believe that their mistakes define who they truly are. Over time, this can breed feelings of shame and insecurity. By contrast, when parents use language that targets a specific behaviour while affirming the child’s identity, children learn that mistakes are moments to learn from, not verdicts on their worth. The key is to separate the deed from the child. 

Speak to the Action, Not the Person 

Instead of saying, “You are so messy,” you can say, “This room has become very messy. Let us tidy it up together.” The focus of your language should be on what happened, not on who the child is. This important distinction helps to protect their sense of self while still addressing the behaviour that needs to change. 

Reassure Them of Your Love During Correction 

After a moment of discipline, it is important to state, “I will always love you, but I cannot accept this behaviour.” These words show that your love is not withdrawn when guidance is given. As a result, children internalise the idea that your affection is steady, even in moments of correction. 

Balance Correction with Recognition of Strengths 

Try to point out your child’s strengths alongside any correction you may need to give. For example, “You are such a thoughtful boy, and I know you can use that thoughtfulness in the way you speak to your sister.” This helps to build their self-belief, so that their mistakes do not overshadow their many good qualities. 

Invite Hope Through the Language of Growth 

It is important to replace final-sounding labels with phrases that open the door to change. You could say, “That was not the best choice, but next time you will have a chance to try differently.” This language tells your child that their mistakes are not permanent, but are instead opportunities to grow. 

Anchor Their Worth in a Sense of Belonging 

You can remind them, “Allah Almighty made you a special person, and nothing you do can ever take away that gift.” Linking their identity to their divine creation helps to root their sense of worth in something that is beautiful and unchanging. 

By making these linguistic distinctions a routine part of your communication, you can create a family atmosphere where your children feel both accountable for their actions and unconditionally valued. In this environment, mistakes become lessons, not lifelong labels. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam teaches us that our actions and our essential worth are two different things. A person’s identity is not defined by their mistakes, but by their faith, their repentance, and their inherent purity. 

The Quran on Replacing Wrong with Good 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Furqaan (25), Verses 70: 

‘Except for the one who sought repentance, and believed (in the truth), and enacted virtuous deeds; so, for those people, Allah (Almighty) shall substitute (and extinguish) their evil deeds with good deeds; and Allah (Almighty) is All Forgiving and All Merciful.’ 

This beautiful verse shows that Allah Almighty not only forgives our mistakes but has the power to transform them into good deeds on our scale. Teaching this to our children helps them to see that a wrong act does not define them; their true identity is rooted in their faith and their sincere repentance. 

The Hadith on Every Child’s Pure Nature 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 2658, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘There is no child who is not born in a state of fitrah, then his parents make him a Jew or a Christian or a Magian.’ 

This Hadith reminds us that every child begins their life with a pure and beautiful nature (fitrah). Their mistakes come from the choices they make, not from who they are at their core. Parents who use their words carefully are helping to protect that original God-given dignity. They are showing their children that their errors can never erase their intrinsic worth. Instead, their true identity is tied to that pure nature, the mercy of Allah, and the incredible potential that He placed within them.