When I tell my child to do something, they laugh or run away. How can I change this without shouting or threatening? 

Parenting Perspective 

It can be deeply frustrating when you give your child an instruction and they respond by laughing or running away, as it can feel like they are mocking your authority. In most cases, however, the child is not trying to be disrespectful; they are testing boundaries, seeking attention, or simply avoiding a task. If this behaviour is not addressed, a child quickly learns that instructions are optional until a parent resorts to shouting or threats. 

The key is to stop reinforcing the idea that your words are negotiable until your tone becomes harsh. 

Understanding the Behaviour 

Children are experts at learning a parent’s limits. They quickly figure out when they can ignore an instruction and when a parent truly means what they say. To change this pattern, you must retrain your child’s expectations by changing your own delivery and follow-through. 

Establishing Calm Authority 

Begin by issuing fewer, clearer commands and being prepared to enforce them calmly and immediately. Instead of repeating an instruction, state it once while making eye contact: ‘It is time to put your toys away now’. If your child laughs or runs, do not give chase or begin to lecture. Instead, calmly state the consequence: ‘The toys are now being put away for the rest of the day’. This quiet, decisive follow-through will redefine your authority far more effectively than shouting ever could. 

Avoid turning discipline into a battle of wills. Keep your tone even, your body language relaxed, and your expectations clear. The message you send is: ‘I do not need to raise my voice for my words to have weight’. 

Reinforcing Expectations 

It is also helpful to speak with your child during a neutral time, away from any conflict. You can say: ‘When I ask you to do something, laughing or running away is not an acceptable response. From now on, I will only ask you once, and I expect you to listen’. 

Spiritual Insight 

In Islam, discipline is taught through presence and principle, not intimidation. A parent’s authority should be rooted in their consistency and justice, not in their ability to inspire fear. Our role as caregivers is to guide, not to overpower. 

Guidance Through Presence, Not Power 

This verse from the counsel of Luqman to his son perfectly captures the essence of calm, firm parental guidance: enjoining what is right with patience and determination. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Luqman (31), Verse 17: 

‘O my son, establish prayer, enjoin what is right, forbid what is wrong, and be patient over what befalls you. Indeed, [all] that is of the matters [requiring] determination. ‘

The Prophetic Model of Clear Command 

This Hadith instructs parents to ‘command’ their children to pray, not merely to suggest it. This command, however, is based on clarity, consistency, and purpose—not on anger or threats. 

It is recorded in Sunan Abu Dawood, Hadith 495, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Command your children to pray when they are seven years old. ‘

The prophetic model emphasises consistent instruction over emotional escalation. By disciplining with clear expectations and calm consequences, you not only build respect but also demonstrate the ideal balance of firmness and dignity. Over time, your child will learn that your quiet, consistent voice carries more authority than a raised one ever could.