What works when slaps or kicks return minutes after a warning? 

Parenting Perspective 

When your child hits or kicks soon after you have warned them not to, it can feel as though everything you have said has been ignored. You might feel powerless or angry, wondering why your child repeats a behaviour that they know is wrong. This pattern is rarely about deliberate defiance; it is usually about poor impulse control, not malice. Young children, and even older ones who are under stress, can struggle to manage the space between an impulse and an action. The solution lies in teaching self regulation, not just in enforcing rules. 

Pause and Respond with Calmness 

Physical behaviour demands an immediate intervention to ensure safety, but it also requires emotional calm from you. If you respond by shouting, you reinforce the very model of aggression that you are trying to correct. Instead, you should step in firmly but calmly. 

‘Hands are not for hitting. Please sit here until we are both feeling calm.’ 

Keep your tone steady, your eye contact level, and your movements slow. Your body language provides the first lesson in self control that your child will absorb. 

Separate the Consequence from Your Emotion 

If a slap or a kick happens again minutes later, do not increase your anger; instead, increase your consistency. Repeat the same calm and predictable response each time. 

‘You have chosen to hit again, so your playtime will now stop until you are ready to be gentle.’ 

Changing the consequence or escalating the punishment can confuse children. What they need most is to see that your boundaries do not change with your mood. Predictability helps to build a sense of security and aids learning. 

Teach an Alternative Behaviour 

Punishment alone does not teach a child what they should do instead. Once your child is calm, you can guide them through what to do differently next time. 

‘When you feel like hitting, you can say, “Stop!” or you can walk away.’ 

‘You could stomp your feet, squeeze your hands tight, or tell me that you are feeling angry.’ 

You can rehearse these responses when they are calm, not in the heat of the moment. Repetition builds new habits, helping them to replace a reaction with a moment of reflection. 

Spiritual Insight 

Teaching a child to restrain their hands and their temper is not just behavioural training; it is a form of spiritual education. Islam honours self control as one of the highest forms of strength. Helping your child to channel their anger without causing harm is teaching them to live by the principle of prophetic gentleness. 

Restraining Anger in the Noble Quran 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Aalai Imran (3), Verse 134: 

‘Those (the believers are the ones) that spend (in the way of Allah Almighty) in times of abundance and hardship; they suppress their anger; and are forgiving to people; and Allah (Almighty) loves those who are benevolent.’ 

This verse links personal strength with mercy, the control over one’s anger followed by the act of forgiveness. Teaching your child to pause, breathe, and choose a gentle response over striking out is a way of living this verse in your daily life. It shows that restraint brings with it the love of the divine, while causing harm only multiplies regret. 

Responding with Calm in the Teachings of the Holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ 

It is recorded in Sunan Abu Dawood, Hadith 4782, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘When one of you becomes angry while standing, let him sit down; if the anger leaves him, well and good; and if not, let him lie down.’ 

This Hadith is a simple yet profound guide to self regulation. It teaches that when a strong emotion rises, we should change our physical and mental state before we react. When you teach your child to pause, sit down, or move away before striking out, you are imparting prophetic wisdom in a form that they can understand. 

Every recurrence of slapping or kicking is not an act of defiance, but a child’s call for help in managing emotions that are bigger than their current tools. Your calm consistency provides them with those tools. Each time you hold the boundary without reacting in anger, you are modelling strength through serenity.