What words can help me forgive my parents and move forward? 

Parenting Perspective 

The act of forgiving one’s parents for any harshness or mistakes from the past can be one of the most difficult, yet most liberating, steps a person can take. Holding onto resentment can often keep you tied to the very patterns you wish to escape, whereas the act of forgiveness can allow you to move forward with a much clearer heart. Forgiveness does not mean pretending that the pain never happened; it simply means choosing to release the grip that the pain has on you. The words that you tell yourself, and even the words that you say aloud in your duas, can help you to shift your heart from a state of bitterness towards one of healing. 

Use Words of Acknowledgement 

You can say to yourself, ‘My parents did the best they could with the tools they had at the time. I can acknowledge the hurt I felt, but I will not let it define who I am today.’ This helps to balance a sense of honesty about your pain with compassion for their situation. 

Use Words of Release 

Repeat affirmations that help you to let go, such as, ‘I am choosing to release the weight of this anger. I am choosing to feel peace instead of pain.’ These kinds of statements can help to redirect your emotions and remind you that forgiveness is an active choice. 

Use Words of Gratitude 

Even if their mistakes were real and painful, you can still say, ‘Through them, Allah gave me the gift of life, and for that, I am grateful.’ An attitude of gratitude can help to open the door to healing, without denying the difficulties of the past. 

Use Words That Connect Your Forgiveness to Your Children 

You can tell your child, ‘I am choosing to forgive the people who may have hurt me in the past so that I can give all of my love and attention to you now.’ This helps to transform the act of forgiveness into a part of your parenting journey, not just your own personal healing. 

By using words that acknowledge, release, and reframe your past, you can give yourself permission to move forward, feeling lighter and more intentional in your own parenting. 

Spiritual Insight 

Forgiveness as an Act of Obedience 

Islam commands us to show kindness to our parents, even when they may have fallen short in their duties towards us. The act of forgiving them is therefore an act of obedience to Allah and is a powerful means of freeing your own heart from the burden of resentment. 

The Quranic Command of Kindness to Parents 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Israa (17), Verses 23–24: 

‘And your Sustainer has decreed that you do not worship anyone except Him Alone; And (treat) parents favourably; whether one of them or both of them reach old age in your lifetime; then do not say to either of them ‘Uff’ (an expression of disrespectful frustration) and do not admonish them; and talk to them with kind words. And spread over them (your) auspices with humility and mercy; (and plead for them and) say: “O my Sustainer, have mercy (and forgiveness) on both of them, because they have nurtured me when I was a child”.’ 

This verse reminds us that showing kindness and mercy towards our parents is a divine command, regardless of any hurt we may have experienced in the past. 

The Prophetic Promise for Those Who Forgive 

It is recorded in Al Adab Al Mufrad, Hadith 380, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Show mercy, and you will be shown mercy. Forgive, and Allah will forgive you.’ 

This hadith teaches us that the act of forgiving others is what opens the door to receiving the mercy of Allah for ourselves. By speaking words of release, gratitude, and prayer, you are aligning your heart with this prophetic guidance. This will not only protect you from the poison of bitterness, but will also allow you to honour your parents despite their shortcomings, and will help you to model to your own children that true strength lies in forgiveness. In this way, a generational cycle of pain can end with you, and a new legacy of mercy can begin.