Parenting Perspective 

When parents come from different upbringings, the process of agreeing on a single routine, whether it is for bedtime, meals, or study time, can sometimes feel as though one person has to ‘lose’. The key to avoiding this is to choose words that affirm both of your perspectives, while at the same time highlighting your shared goal of unity. Using words that soften, include, and reframe your routines as shared family choices can help to protect both your dignity as individuals and the stability of your home. 

Use Inclusive and Collaborative Language 

Instead of saying, ‘Your way of doing things does not work,’ you can try a more inclusive phrase like, ‘Let us try to find a way that works for all of us.’ This helps to frame the compromise as an act of teamwork, not as a defeat. 

Frame it as Blending Traditions into One 

You can present the new routine as an enrichment of your pasts. For example, ‘We can add your idea of reading a story before bed, and my idea of making a shared dua. That will make our family’s routine even better.’ In this way, both parents can feel valued, and the child benefits from the resulting consistency. 

Anchor the Routine in Your Shared Goals 

Saying, ‘We both want our child to feel safe, rested, and close to Allah, so let us make a routine that supports that goal,’ is a powerful way to start a conversation. This helps to shift the focus away from your individual styles and onto your shared purpose as parents. 

Present a United Voice to Your Child 

When you are speaking to your child about a new routine, it is important to always use ‘we’ language. A phrase like, ‘We have decided that bedtime will be at eight o’clock, with a story and a dua,’ shows your unity and removes any room for your child to negotiate. 

By using words that affirm, include, and anchor your new routines in your shared values, you can build a single, steady practice without either parent feeling as though their perspective has been diminished. 

Spiritual Insight 

Unity, Fairness, and Mercy in Family Life 

Islam emphasises the qualities of unity, fairness, and mercy within our family lives. The way that you speak to one another when you are forming your family’s routines should always reflect these values, ensuring that your hearts remain joined and that your children feel secure. 

The Command for Unity in the Household 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Aalai Imran (3), Verses 103: 

‘And hold firmly to the rope of Allah (Almighty) collectively and do not be divided…’ 

This verse reminds us that a commitment to unity is what brings strength and helps to prevent division within our families. 

The Importance of Mercy and Kindness in Decisions 

It is recorded in Sunan Ibn Majah, Hadith 3689, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Allah is gentle and loves gentleness in all matters.’ 

This hadith teaches us that even when we are setting firm routines for our family, a sense of gentleness in our words is what will ensure cooperation and harmony. By framing your routines as a shared effort that is rooted in the principles of unity and gentleness, you can show your child that the love in your family is always stronger than any differences you may have. Both parents can feel respected, and your child can experience the security that comes from seeing one voice, one rhythm, and one single family identity.