What to Say When Both Parents Are Low on Patience 

Parenting Perspective 

When both parents are tired, short-tempered, or emotionally depleted, children can often feel confused or unsettled , especially if they are met with impatience or raised voices from both sides. In these moments, what matters most is the way you respond them afterwards more than never losing patience. Children need their parents to be honest, safe, emotionally attuned ones who help them make sense of what they feel. 

The words you say after tension has been visible can either deepen a child’s emotional resilience, or leave them feeling responsible for things far beyond their control. 

What to Say After a Moment of Shared Frustration 

Here are some simple, emotionally safe phrases you can use to re-centre the connection: 

• ‘Mum and Dad are both having a hard day, but it is not your fault.’ This protects the child from internalising blame for your mood. 

• ‘We are feeling grumpy, but we still love you completely.’ This reassures them that love is consistent, even when energy is not. 

• ‘Sometimes grown-ups get tired and say things in a harsh tone, but we are working on it.’ This models accountability and emotional honesty. 

• ‘We should not have spoken like that. Let us all take a breath together.’ This invites emotional repair, not just explanation. 

The goal is not to fake calmness or pretend everything is fine. It is to offer enough clarity and reassurance that your child feels emotionally secure even when the adults around them are visibly strained. This builds trust in you, and in the process of emotional growth. 

Spiritual Insight 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Aalai Imran (3), verse 134: 

“…They suppress their anger; and are forgiving to people; and Allah (Almighty) loves those who are benevolent.” 

This verse tells that parenting gives countless chances to practise, not just by holding back anger, but by returning to gentleness even when patience becomes weak. 

The Prophetic Model: True Strength is Self-Control 

It is recorded in Sahih al-Bukhari that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

“The strong one is not the one who can overpower others, but the one who controls himself when angry.” 
[Sahih al-Bukhari, 6114] 

Your child does not need to see two parents who never get upset. They need to see what strength looks like when anger happens, the pause, the apology, the willingness to try again. In this way, even your imperfect moments can become sacred lessons. 

So when both of you are at your limit, and it shows, do not let guilt linger in silence. Let healing begin with a few honest words, and let your child learn that love, patience, and Tawbah are always within reach. Even for grown-ups and even on the hardest days.