Parenting Perspective 

When relatives or friends give gifts that cross the boundaries you and your spouse have agreed upon, such as excessive sweets or unsuitable toys, it can quietly undermine your authority as parents. While you want to honour the giver’s kindness, you also need to protect the consistency of your parenting. The key is to respond with both gratitude and gentle firmness. 

Acknowledge the Giver’s Intention 

Always thank the giver warmly first, showing that you appreciate their thoughtfulness. Beginning with gratitude helps to lower any potential defensiveness and keeps the interaction positive. 

Redirect with Clear Alternatives 

You can gently guide future gift-giving by suggesting what would be more helpful. For example, you could say, ‘The children have really been enjoying books and puzzles lately; that would be perfect if you are ever thinking of getting them something’. 

Intervene at the Right Time 

If a gift clearly clashes with your boundaries (for example, a toy that is not age-appropriate or food that goes against your rules), you can quietly put it aside. You can then explain to your child later why it will be saved for when they are older or will not be used in the home. 

Maintain Consistency Between Parents 

Ensure that both you and your spouse are upholding the same line. If one parent accepts a gift that crosses a boundary and the other resists, children will quickly learn how to play one parent against the other. A united front is essential. 

Create Family Rules Around Gifts 

Establish your own household rules for new items. For example, agree that all new toys will be shared, that sweets will be portioned out over time, or that new clothes will be saved for special occasions. This teaches your children that gratitude and boundaries can coexist. 

Spiritual Insight 

In Islam, generosity is a great blessing, but wisdom requires that the giving and receiving of gifts remains within the limits of what is healthy and beneficial for a child. Parents are entrusted with the responsibility of protecting their children’s upbringing, even when that means gently redirecting how gifts are managed in the home. 

A Quranic Reminder on Balance 

The Quran reminds us that a balanced approach is a sign of a true believer. This applies to all of our affairs, including how we handle gifts. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Furqaan (25), Verse 67: 

‘ And it is those people that do not spend extravagantly, nor miserly; and (act in such a way) that is a balanced format between these two (extreme characteristics).‘ 

This reminds us that we should neither reject gifts harshly nor allow them to spoil the discipline and balance in our homes. 

The Prophetic Teaching on the Spirit of Giving 

The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ taught that the true purpose of giving gifts is to foster love and strengthen the bonds between people. 

It is recorded in Al Adab Al Mufrad, Hadith 594, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Exchange gifts, and you will love one another.’ 

This teaches us that the spirit of gift-giving is to strengthen affection, not to undermine a parent’s guidance. 

By setting gentle but firm limits, you are modelling to your child that while gifts are a sign of affection, your role as their parent is to ensure those gifts align with your family values. In this way, generosity continues to spread love, while your parental authority and consistency remain intact.