What steps help settle conflict without anyone losing face? 

Parenting Perspective 

Conflicts at home, whether between a parent and child or between siblings, can sometimes feel like battles where one person must ‘win’ and the other must ‘lose.’ This approach, however, damages relationships and can fuel resentment. The goal is to settle disputes in a way that preserves the dignity of everyone involved, teaching children that conflict resolution is about fairness, not humiliation. 

Lower the Emotional Temperature 

Begin by slowing down the conversation and reducing the emotional intensity. You can use a calm voice or suggest taking a short break by saying, ‘We are both feeling very upset right now. Let’s pause for five minutes and then talk again.’ This helps to reduce tension before you begin to solve the problem. 

Acknowledge Both Sides 

Show your child that their feelings have been heard. You could say, ‘I understand that you wanted to keep playing, and I needed you to stop so we could get ready for bed. Both of our feelings are important.’ By naming both perspectives out loud, you make your child feel heard and validated, without surrendering your authority. 

Seek a Respectful Solution 

Where possible, offer a fair compromise, such as, ‘You can have another five minutes of playtime after your homework is finished.’ Alternatively, you can suggest a way to repair the situation: ‘Since our voices were raised, let’s try to start this conversation again calmly.’ Any solution should protect your family’s boundaries while allowing your child to keep their dignity. 

End With Connection 

Once the conflict has been resolved, it is important to close it with a gesture of reassurance. A warm smile, a kind word, or a simple hug shows that your discipline is not a rejection of your child, and that your loving connection remains intact even after a disagreement. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam honours the act of reconciliation and places great importance on protecting a person’s dignity during a conflict. The aim is never to crush the other person, but to restore peace with fairness and mercy. 

The Command for Reconciliation 

The Quran reminds believers that making peace and settling disputes is a fundamental duty, and it is through this process of reconciliation that we receive the mercy of Allah. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Hujuraat (49), Verses 10: 

‘ Indeed, the believers are brothers (to each other); so, make peace with your brothers; and seek piety from Allah (Almighty) so that you may receive His Mercy.‘ 

Humility as a Path to Honour 

The prophetic tradition teaches that humbling oneself in a conflict for the sake of Allah is not a sign of weakness or loss, but is in fact a path to being raised in honour. 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 2588, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘No one humbles himself for the sake of Allah except that Allah raises him in status.’ 

By settling conflicts in a way that saves face for everyone, you are mirroring the Islamic values of mercy, humility, and reconciliation. Your child learns that arguments do not have to end in humiliation but can even strengthen family bonds when they are handled with fairness and kindness.