What steps can make compromises feel fair to both parents? 

Parenting Perspective 

When parents have different approaches to discipline or family routines, making compromises is necessary in order to avoid confusion for their child. However, if these compromises begin to feel one-sided, resentment can build and the unity between the parents can weaken. For a compromise to feel truly fair, it is essential that both parents feel that they have been heard, that their perspective has been respected, and that they are both equally invested in the final decision. 

Listen Fully to Each Other First 

Give each other the time and space to explain the reasoning behind your perspectives, without interruption. When both partners feel that they have been properly understood, the path to a balanced compromise becomes much clearer. 

Identify Your Shared Goals 

It is helpful to shift the focus from ‘my way versus your way’ to the question of, ‘What do we both ultimately want for our child?’ Usually, the underlying goals, such as wanting your child to feel safe, to be respectful, or to have a good character, are exactly the same. 

Look for the Middle Ground 

In the areas where your views may differ, try to look for a blended approach that incorporates both of your perspectives. For example, if one parent wants very strict rules and the other prefers more flexibility, you could agree on a set of firm, non-negotiable rules that also allow for a few, limited exceptions. 

Rotate Leadership on Different Issues 

You can take turns in taking the lead on less critical issues. If one parent’s preferred approach is used for the bedtime routine, for example, then the other’s preference could guide your family’s weekend routines. 

Regularly Check for Ongoing Fairness 

It is a good idea to review your decisions regularly. You can ask each other, ‘Does this approach still feel fair to both of us?’ You can then make any necessary adjustments, so that your compromises continue to feel balanced over time. 

By ensuring that each of your voices is heard and valued, you are modelling the important qualities of respect and teamwork. This not only helps to strengthen your marriage, but also shows your child that fairness is a cherished family value. 

Spiritual Insight 

Fairness, Consultation, and Mercy 

Islam encourages the qualities of fairness and consultation in all family matters. A compromise that honours a sense of justice and respects both voices is one that is closer to the spirit of mercy and balance that Allah commands. 

The Command to Uphold Justice 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Maaidah (5), Verses 8: 

‘You who are believers, become steadfast (in your devotion) to Allah (Almighty), corroborating all of that which is just; and never let your hatred of any nation prevent you from being just, – let justice prevail, as that is very close to attaining piety…’ 

This verse reminds us that the principle of justice, even in our small family decisions, is an essential part of our righteousness. 

The Principle of Mutual Consultation (Shura) 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Ash Shura (42), Verses 38: 

‘And those who have responded to their master and established prayer, and whose affair is [determined] by consultation among themselves.’ 

This teaches us that the practice of consultation brings with it a great blessing and is a sign of true faith. By listening, consulting, and ensuring a sense of fairness in your decisions, your compromises can become acts of mercy, rather than battles to be won. Your child will then grow up seeing that cooperation and justice, not power struggles, are what define the way a Muslim family works together.