Parenting Perspective 

Setting boundaries is an essential part of parenting, as it provides children with a sense of structure, safety, and guidance. However, if these boundaries are delivered in a harsh or mechanical way, a child may experience them as a form of rejection, rather than as an act of protection. Warmth in discipline comes from the way a parent is able to combine firmness with empathy, showing their child that rules exist out of love, not out of a desire for control. When boundaries are communicated with this underlying kindness, children are far more likely to accept them, respect them, and eventually internalise them as something valuable. 

Explain the Loving Purpose Behind the Rule 

Instead of simply stating a rule with the explanation, ‘Because I said so,’ it is helpful to connect the boundary to an act of care. For example, you could say, ‘You cannot watch any more cartoons now because your eyes need to rest, and Allah trusts us to look after the health of our bodies.’ This helps the limit to feel protective, not punitive. 

Use a Calm but Steady Tone of Voice 

Firmness does not require a loud or angry voice. You can communicate your seriousness much more effectively by speaking with a calm, steady confidence, while at the same time softening your tone with warmth. A calm voice demonstrates authority without feeling cold or distant. 

Pair the Boundary with Reassurance 

It is important to remind your child of your love, especially when you are setting a limit. Saying, ‘Even when I have to say no to you, I still love you very much,’ can be very reassuring. This kind of affection helps to cushion the firmness, helping your child to see that a boundary is not the absence of your care, but is in fact an expression of it. 

Model Healthy Boundaries in Your Own Behaviour 

You can show your respect for the principle of boundaries by setting them in your own life, for example by putting away your phone during family mealtimes. When children see this, they learn that boundaries are a shared family value, not a form of one-sided control. 

Offer Positive Alternatives Within the Limit 

When you have to say no to something, it is a good practice to suggest another positive option. A phrase like, ‘You cannot play outside just now, but how about we draw a picture together instead?’ helps to keep the boundary from feeling like a restrictive wall. 

By combining clarity with compassion, parents can teach their children that boundaries are an integral part of love, helping them to feel safe and guided, not rejected. 

Spiritual Insight 

The Quran on the Importance of Compassion and Mercy 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Hadeed (57), Verses 27: 

‘…And placed in the hearts of those who were his followers compassion and mercy…’ 

This verse shows us that the path of the believers is one that should always be infused with compassion and mercy. It is a reminder that any boundaries we set or discipline we give must be balanced with these qualities. Boundaries without compassion can lead to a feeling of coldness, but boundaries that are set with mercy can create harmony and trust. 

Prophetic Guidance on Making Faith Approachable 

It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 6125, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Make things easy and do not make things difficult. Give glad tidings and do not drive people away.’ 

This hadith reminds parents that our firmness should never be a cause for pushing our children away from their faith. By combining necessary limits with warmth and encouragement, we are following the beautiful prophetic example of teaching rules as a part of a loving and merciful framework, not as a cold restriction. This balance of warmth and firmness will invite your children to respect boundaries while still feeling completely embraced by your mercy.