Parenting Perspective 

Arguments are a natural part of any marriage, but when they are allowed to unfold in front of children, the impact can be very damaging. A child may be left feeling unsafe, may begin to blame themselves for the conflict, or may even try to ‘pick a side’. The single most effective step that parents can take is to practise the art of pausing before a conflict becomes visible to their child. This requires a degree of preparation and a shared commitment to protecting your child’s emotional world. 

Agree on a Subtle Signal 

It can be very helpful to agree on a subtle, private signal between you and your spouse. This could be a small hand gesture, a key phrase, or a particular glance that means, ‘Let us pause this conversation and talk about it later in private.’ This simple tool can help you to stop an escalation before it begins. 

Practise the Art of Pausing 

You can train yourselves to take a deep breath before you react to something. A simple, silent count to three can be enough to allow you to choose a calm response over an impulsive one. Your children will quickly notice when their parents are able to model this kind of self-control. 

Change Your Location 

If you feel the tension rising in a room, you can say, ‘Let us continue this conversation in the other room.’ Physically moving away from your child’s presence helps to prevent them from being drawn into the middle of a disagreement. 

Agree to Delay the Discussion 

Remind each other that not everything needs to be resolved immediately. Saying, ‘We can talk about this properly after the children are in bed,’ signals a sense of unity to your child, even in a moment of disagreement. 

Affirm Your Love in the Moment 

If a conflict does become visible, you can quickly reassure your child by saying, ‘Mummy and Daddy are just working something out, but we both love you very much and you do not need to worry.’ This helps to protect them from internalising any blame. 

Learning to pause before you argue requires practice, but it teaches your children a powerful lesson: that disagreements can be handled with respect and healthy boundaries. This, in turn, helps to build their trust and their own sense of emotional security. 

Spiritual Insight 

Self-Control as an Act of Faith 

Islam encourages patience, self-control, and the use of wisdom in our speech. The act of holding back an angry or heated word is presented not as a sign of weakness, but as a sign of true spiritual strength. Protecting your child from conflict is a part of fulfilling your sacred trust (amanah) as a parent. 

The Strength Found in Restraining Anger 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Aalai Imran (3), Verses 134: 

‘Those (the believers are the ones) that spend (in the way of Allah Almighty) in times of abundance and hardship; they suppress their anger; and are forgiving to people; and Allah (Almighty) loves those who are benevolent.’ 

This verse reminds us that the act of restraining our anger is a quality that is beloved by Allah, and is something that will bring goodness and blessing into our family life. 

The Wisdom of Delaying an Angry Response 

It is recorded in Sunan Abu Dawood, Hadith 4782, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘When one of you becomes angry while standing, let him sit down. If the anger leaves him, well and good; otherwise let him lie down.’ 

This hadith teaches us a practical, physical step we can take to delay our anger and prevent it from spilling over into harmful words or actions. By practising the use of signals, pauses, and patience, you are embodying the prophetic model of self-control. Your child will then grow up witnessing not the harm that can be caused by conflict, but the beauty of restraint. This shows them that love and mercy are always stronger than anger, and that a safe and peaceful home is built through patience and wisdom.