Parenting Perspective 

When a child loses an opportunity because of your choice, it can feel like an emotional weight not just on them, but on the entire family dynamic. It is easy to assume that a missed chance can be brushed off, but children, especially siblings, are keenly sensitive to fairness. The one who feels left out may carry a sense of injustice, which, if left unchecked, can fester into resentment. Understanding that your child’s hurt is real is the first step toward easing their pain and restoring balance. 

Acknowledging the Emotional Weight 

The most effective restitution is emotional connection, reinforcing that love, understanding, and fairness run deeper than any tangible act of compensation. Your responsibility as a parent is to model how to handle these delicate situations with grace and wisdom. When children see their parents approach unfairness with understanding, they internalise the values of emotional maturity. 

Thoughtful Ways to Restore Balance 

Here is a gentle yet impactful way to address the situation with heart: 

• Create an Experience Tailored to Their Needs: Rather than offering the same opportunity, think of something that truly resonates with the sibling’s individual interests. 

• Foster Open Conversation: Children often need a safe space to voice their feelings. Gently invite the sibling to share how they feel about missing out. 

• Explain the Bigger Picture: If the decision was made with the family’s well-being in mind, take the time to explain it to them in a way that they can understand. 

• Emphasise Unity Over Comparison: Instead of inadvertently deepening feelings of rivalry, encourage your children to celebrate each other’s achievements. 

The Heart of Fairness: Beyond Restitution 

While restitution is important, it should not be seen as a quick fix to a complex emotional issue. What truly matters is the empathy you show, both in the moment and in the ongoing relationship you nurture. These lessons will last far longer than any single opportunity ever could. 

Spiritual Insight 

The Quranic Perspective on Patience and Empathy 

The noble Quran reminds us that genuine kindness and empathy are not just for the easy moments; they shine brightest in times of difficulty. When a sibling feels slighted, responding with restraint and patience reflects the true spirit of familial love. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Aalai Imran (3), Verse 134: 

‘Those (the believers are the ones) that spend (in the way of Allah Almighty) in times of abundance and hardship; they suppress their anger; and are forgiving to people…’ 

This verse teaches us that justice does not always have to be harsh; sometimes, it is about softening the edges with compassion. 

The Prophet’s Wisdom on Kindness 

The teachings of the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ tell us that kindness, especially in moments of frustration, is essential to maintaining peace and love. Responding with kindness when one child feels hurt by a decision demonstrates the strength of emotional maturity. 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 2592, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Whoever is deprived of kindness, he is deprived of all good.’ 

This shows that genuine justice is not about punishment but about understanding and providing emotional support.