What should we do when lunchtime detentions keep happening for the same offence? 

Parenting Perspective 

When your child repeatedly receives lunchtime detentions for the same offence, it can feel both frustrating and worrying. You might question whether the school’s approach is effective or if your child simply does not care. However, repeated consequences usually signal that the lesson is not being absorbed emotionally, not that the child is unteachable. True change begins when the underlying cause is understood and the home and school work together calmly and consistently. 

Look Beyond the Behaviour to the Cause 

Repeated detentions often indicate a pattern of unmet needs or unprocessed emotions, rather than simple defiance. Ask yourself: 

• Is my child seeking attention or struggling with peer dynamics? 

• Does this offence happen at a specific time or around certain people? 

• Could embarrassment, boredom, or frustration be driving the behaviour? 

When a child feels misunderstood, even punishment can reinforce a sense of rebellion instead of resolving the issue. A private, curious conversation can uncover the real reason for the repetition and can shift the dynamic from punishment to problem solving. 

Avoid Emotional Reactions at Home 

Receiving another note or email from the school can trigger anger or disappointment, but reacting harshly often pushes a child into a defensive state rather than one of reflection. Instead, remain calm and invite a discussion. 

‘I can see this has happened again. I want to understand what is making it so hard for you to change this.’ 

Your tone sets the stage for honesty. You are showing your child that accountability can exist alongside compassion. 

Partner with the School for a United Front 

Reach out to the teacher, not to question the detention, but to ask how you can align your support at home. A joint strategy, with clear expectations, identical consequences, and consistent encouragement, communicates unity. When a child sees the adults in their life working together, the incentive to resist weakens. 

Spiritual Insight 

When a child repeats mistakes despite facing consequences, the parent’s test becomes one of consistency, fairness, and compassion. Islam teaches that true correction lies in wisdom and mercy, not in frustration or humiliation. 

Fairness and Accountability in the Noble Quran 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Maaidah (5), Verse 8: 

‘You who are believers, become steadfast (in your devotion) to Allah (Almighty), corroborating all of that which is just; and never let your hatred of any nation prevent you from being just, – let justice prevail…’ 

This verse reminds us that justice must remain balanced; it should be firm yet fair. A parent’s consistency in applying guidance without bias mirrors this divine principle. When you uphold fairness and avoid reacting emotionally, you teach your child that accountability and mercy can coexist. 

Wisdom in Correction in the Teachings of the Holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ 

It is recorded in Sunan Abu Dawood, Hadith 4809, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘A person who is gentle in his dealings will never be deprived of goodness.’ 

This Hadith underscores that enduring goodness comes through gentleness, even in correction. When you respond to repeated misbehaviour with composure and wisdom, you are showing your child the prophetic model of firmness guided by grace. This steadiness teaches far more than anger ever could. 

Repeated detentions test both a child’s self control and a parent’s patience. But when you replace punishment with understanding, and reaction with reflection, you begin to shift the cycle. Each calm response teaches your child that actions carry meaning, yet redemption is always possible. Spiritually, your consistency becomes a form of quiet worship: justice anchored in mercy. Over time, your patience will help your child to see discipline not as a defeat, but as an invitation to grow into accountability, respect, and self awareness guided by faith.