What should they say when whispers start and someone is excluded? 

Parenting Perspective 

When whispers begin, whether it is in the classroom, on the playground, or at a party, a child can often instantly sense what is happening: that someone is being talked about, and that someone is being left out. Your child may feel caught in the middle of this situation, unsure of whether to join in, to walk away, or to speak up. Helping them to respond wisely in these moments can help to nurture both their courage and their compassion. It teaches them that real kindness is not just about being nice when it is easy, but about standing up for others in a gentle way when it is hard. 

Begin with an Understanding of What Is Happening 

You can start by helping your child to recognise the common signs of social exclusion. 

• Two or more children whispering while they are glancing at someone else. 

• The use of inside jokes that are designed to deliberately leave another child out. 

• Conversations that can make other people feel unwelcome or embarrassed. 

You can explain to them that whispering is not always wrong, as sometimes it is just a form of private talk. However, if they can see that someone nearby looks hurt or confused, that is a signal to step in with a sense of kindness. 

Step One: Teach Them to Pause Before Joining In 

Children can often join in with whispering out of a sense of simple curiosity, or from a desire to belong to the group. You can teach your child to pause for a moment before they join in with any secretive talk by asking themself one simple question: ‘Would I be saying this if the other person could hear me?’ If the answer is no, then it is better for them to remain silent. This practice of taking an internal pause can help to build their conscience, the quiet inner voice that helps to guard their sense of fairness. 

Step Two: Provide Simple Phrases That Protect Dignity 

When your child hears whispers that are designed to exclude or to tease someone, you can equip them with some short and respectful responses. 

• ‘Let us not talk about them when they are standing right there.’ 

• ‘Hey, maybe we could all play a game together instead.’ 

• ‘That does not feel very fair. Let us try to include them.’ 

These gentle words can help to shift the focus of the group without turning the situation into a direct conflict. You can also teach your child that their tone of voice matters a great deal, as a sense of calm confidence will always carry more power than a tone of anger. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam places an immense value on guarding our tongues, on protecting the dignity of other people, and on building a sense of harmony within our communities. The acts of speaking in a kind way and of avoiding gossip are among the key marks of a true and sincere faith. Teaching your child to stand against the act of exclusion, with a sense of gentleness and of fairness, can help them to live the beautiful teachings of the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ in their own daily lives. 

The Prohibition of Whispering to Exclude Others 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Mujadilah (58), Verse 9: 

‘O you who are believers, when you hold secret consultations; then do not hold private conversations in regard to actions that are sinful and vengeful and disobedient to the Messenger (O Prophet Muhammad ﷺ); but hold private conversations about actions that are (pertaining to) benevolence and piety; and seek piety from Allah (Almighty) as He is the One in front of Whom you will be gathered.’ 

This verse directly addresses the kind of whispering that can cause harm or that can exclude another person. It teaches us that our private speech should never be used to wound another person, but only to uplift them. When your child is able to choose a sense of fairness over the temptation to gossip, they are aligning themselves with this divine guidance of using their words for goodness, not for harm. 

The Prophetic Teaching on Upholding Dignity 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 2563, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Do not envy one another, do not inflate prices for one another, do not hate one another, do not turn away from one another, and do not undercut one another in trade, but be, O servants of Allah, brothers.’ 

This hadith encourages a sense of unity and of brotherhood, and it warns us against the kinds of behaviours that can divide our hearts. The acts of whispering, of gossiping, and of exclusion are all forms of turning away from one another. This reinforces the message that the role of a true believer is to protect the dignity of others, to build our bonds with one another, rather than to break them. 

Guiding your child through these difficult moments of whispering and of social exclusion is about more than just teaching them good manners; it is about teaching them a sense of moral courage. They can learn that a true and lasting friendship is not found in joining in with a crowd to feel a sense of belonging, but in standing up so that no one else has to feel alone. 

Your own calm coaching can help them to see that even their quiet acts of inclusion, a simple smile, a warm invitation, or a few gentle words, can hold a great power. They can learn that a sense of integrity can also whisper, but with a voice of love instead of one of harm. 

Spiritually, your child can come to understand that Allah Almighty loves those who are able to protect others from a feeling of pain. Each time they are able to choose a sense of fairness over the temptation of gossip, or a sense of inclusion over the act of laughing at someone else’s expense, they are able to rise in both their own sense of dignity and in their faith.