What should they say when they want more space without hurting feelings? 

Parenting Perspective 

Children can often believe that asking for their own space is the same as rejecting another person, and that needing some quiet time, some solo play, or a break from messaging might make a friend feel unwanted. However, in truth, a period of space can often help to preserve our friendships by preventing feelings of frustration, fatigue, and emotional overload from building up. Teaching your child how to express this need in a kind way can help them to build more balanced and more lasting relationships in the future. 

Teaching That Needing Space Is Healthy, Not Hurtful 

You can start by saying, ‘It is okay to take some time for yourself sometimes. It does not mean that you care about your friends any less.’ You can explain to them that our friendships are like beautiful gardens; they are best able to grow when each person is able to get their own sunlight and has some room to breathe. When your child is able to learn that a sense of rest and of distance are a natural part of a healthy connection, any feelings of guilt that they may have can begin to fade. 

Coaching Them in How to Use Gentle and Honest Phrases 

You can help your child to practise some warm and simple ways to ask for their own space. Their words should sound calm, not defensive. 

• ‘I am really enjoying hanging out with you, but I just need a little bit of quiet time right now.’ 

• ‘I am feeling a bit tired at the moment. Can we talk again a little later?’ 

• ‘I just need some time to myself today, but I will see you again very soon.’ 

Each of these phrases is able to balance a sense of reassurance with a sense of honesty. If a friend does react with some confusion or a sense of hurt, you can guide your child to remain gentle in their response: ‘It is nothing that you have done. I just need some time to be alone sometimes.’ 

Teaching Them to Notice When Their Own Space Is Needed 

You can explain to your child that the need for emotional space is not only for the times when things have gone wrong; it is also for the times when we are trying to stay well. You can help them to recognise the signs in themselves that may indicate that they need to take a pause, such as feeling snappy, drained, or restless after a long period of social time. You could say, ‘Needing to have some space is not a selfish thing. It is how you can help to keep your friendships feeling kind, instead of cranky.’ 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam values a sense of balance in all of our relationships, with Allah Almighty, with other people, and with our own selves. Even our acts of worship are guided by a sense of moderation, which helps to ensure that our hearts can remain steady and sincere. The act of taking some personal space in a kind and considerate way is a reflection of hikmah (wisdom), of knowing when to engage with others and when to rest, without causing any harm to our relationships. 

The Quranic Teaching on Balance and Consideration 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Furqaan (25), Verse 63: 

‘And the true servants of the One Who is Most Beneficent are those who wander around the Earth with humility; and when they are addressed by the ignorant people, they say: “Peace be unto you”.’ 

This verse highlights the importance of the qualities of gentleness and of restraint. These are the same qualities that can guide us in our need for our own emotional space. When your child is able to express their need for some quiet time with peaceful words, they are reflecting this beautiful Quranic sense of grace. 

The Prophetic Example of Thoughtful Moderation 

It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 5199, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Indeed, your body has a right over you, your eyes have a right over you, and your wife has a right over you.’ 

This hadith reminds us that every one of our relationships, including the one that we have with ourselves, deserves a sense of fairness and of justice. Taking a period of rest or of distance from others when we feel that we need it is not an act of neglect; it is a way of fulfilling that sacred right. 

Guiding your child to ask for their own space with a sense of gentleness can teach them the art of emotional clarity, the courage to be able to honour their own needs without having to cause any harm to other people. They can learn from these experiences that a friendship that is built on a foundation of respect, not on a need for constant closeness, is the kind that will last the longest and that will feel the lightest. 

Your own reassurance can help them to see that a sense of kindness is not measured by our constant availability to others, but by our ability to communicate in an honest and in a peaceful way. Over time, they will come to realise for themselves that true care means being able to say, ‘I just need a moment,’ before any feelings of resentment have a chance to grow. 

When they are able to learn to pause, to breathe, and to then return to their friendships with a sense of warmth, they will be living a principle that Islam deeply cherishes: that the best of all relationships, just like our faith itself, are the ones that are best able to thrive in a state of balance, of sincerity, and of a gentle and profound understanding.