What should they say when they need time out of a conversation? 

Parenting Perspective 

It is common for children to feel overwhelmed during difficult conversations. As their emotions rise, their instinct may be to storm off or shout, which can leave both sides feeling frustrated and disconnected. What they often need in these moments is a safe and respectful way to step back from the conversation without damaging the relationship. Teaching your child how to ask for a pause gives them a powerful tool to manage their feelings and shows them that difficult conversations can be paused, not broken. 

Normalise the Act of Taking a Break 

Explain to your child that it is not only acceptable but also healthy to take a break when they feel too upset to continue speaking calmly. You can say: ‘Sometimes, even I feel angry and need a few minutes to calm down before I can talk properly. It is okay for you to do that too.’ By modelling this yourself, you make a pause feel like a normal and wise strategy, not a sign of weakness. 

Provide Clear and Respectful Scripts 

Give your child short, simple sentences they can rely on when they are feeling overwhelmed. 

• ‘I need a break. Can we please talk again in ten minutes?’ 

• ‘I am feeling too upset to talk right now. Let me calm down, and then I will come back.’ 

• ‘Please can you give me a little space? I promise I will come back to finish this.’ 

When your child uses one of these scripts, respond with affirmation: ‘Thank you for telling me that so calmly. Take ten minutes, and we will continue then.’ 

Frame the ‘Time Out’ as a Structured Pause 

Help your child understand that a ‘time out’ is not a way to escape the issue, but a tool to handle it better. Encourage them to be the one to suggest a time limit for the break: ‘Can we please talk again in fifteen minutes?’ This makes the pause feel structured and reassures both of you that the conversation will be completed respectfully. 

Honour Their Request for a Pause 

When your child uses their words to ask for a break respectfully, it is crucial that you honour their request. Do not follow them or continue to lecture them in that moment. By showing them this respect, you reinforce their sense of dignity and encourage them to continue using their words instead of resorting to shouting or storming off. 

Acknowledge and Praise Their Self-Control 

After the pause is over and the conversation has been completed, take a moment to highlight their success: ‘I really liked how you asked for a break instead of shouting. That helped both of us to talk much better in the end.’ This positive reinforcement strengthens the new habit and makes a respectful ‘time out’ a trusted tool for the future. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam teaches us to step back from harmful speech and to approach one another with patience and respect. Allowing your child to request a ‘time out’ is a practical way of living by this guidance, as it honours their feelings while preventing harm to the relationship. 

The Quran’s Guidance on Avoiding Harmful Speech 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al An’aam (6), Verses 68: 

‘And whenever you observe those people who engage in (blasphemous and frivolous) discourse in regards to Our Signs (of the infinite truth), then abstain from them until they start a discourse on other subjects…’ 

While the context of this verse is specific, the principle is universal: stepping away from a conversation that is becoming harmful or heated is often the wisest and most righteous choice. Teaching your child to ask for a pause respectfully mirrors this divine guidance of protecting oneself and others from unnecessary harm. 

The Prophet’s ﷺAdvice for Anger 

It is recorded in Sunan Abu Dawood, 4782, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘If any of you becomes angry, let him keep silent.’ 

This hadith highlights that in a moment of anger, silence and withdrawal can be far better than words spoken with a hot heart. When your child learns to say, ‘I need a break,’ instead of shouting, they are acting on this Prophetic wisdom in a way that is appropriate for their age. 

By weaving these lessons into your parenting, you give your child both a practical emotional skill and a firm spiritual grounding.