What should they do when someone keeps touching their hair or bag? 

Parenting Perspective 

For many children, any form of unwanted touching, even if it is meant to be playful or is born of curiosity, can feel confusing. They might think to themselves, ‘They are just joking,’ or may feel unsure about whether or not to speak up, especially if the other person seems to be friendly. However, knowing how to set physical boundaries is an essential life skill. Teaching your child how to say ‘no’ in a way that is polite but also firm can help them to build a sense of respect for their own body, for their belongings, and for their personal comfort. 

Teaching the Right to Have Personal Space 

It is important to begin by explaining to your child that having a sense of personal space is not a form of selfishness. You could say, ‘It is okay to want other people to respect your things and your body. You always have the right to ask for your own space.’ When a child is able to learn that their own boundaries matter, they can grow up with a sense of confidence that is rooted in their self-respect, not in a sense of fear. 

Coaching Them in Calm and Clear Communication 

You can help your child to practise using some short and calm sentences that will help them to sound confident, without having to sound angry. It is a good idea to encourage a steady tone, clear words, and some direct eye contact. 

• ‘Please do not touch my hair. I do not like that.’ 

• ‘I would rather you did not touch my bag, thank you.’ 

• ‘Can you please give me a little bit of space?’ 

You can teach them that firmness is not the same as rudeness. The goal is simply to stop the unwanted behaviour, not to start a conflict. 

Helping Them to Read Intentions and Context 

You can explain to your child that sometimes, other people may not realise that their behaviour is making them feel uncomfortable; they may just be trying to be friendly. At other times, it may be a form of teasing or an invasion of their personal space. You can teach your child to trust the way that they are feeling in their body. If their body tenses up or if they begin to feel uneasy, that is a clear signal for them to act. 

Reinforcing the Value of Setting Boundaries Early 

Children will learn the art of setting boundaries best when they can see it being modelled for them in a healthy way. You can let your child watch how you handle similar moments in your own life, perhaps by moving back slightly if someone is standing too close to you, or by saying in a kind way, ‘I would prefer it if you did not touch that.’ This helps to normalise the act of being assertive and teaches them that our boundaries are not a form of confrontation; they are a form of courtesy that helps to protect our peace. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam honours the concepts of dignity, of modesty, and of respect for the personal space of others. Every person’s body and their personal belongings are considered to be an amanah, a sacred trust from Allah Almighty. Teaching your child how to guard these things in a respectful way, and how to expect the same from others, is a reflection of the values of self-respect, of modesty, and of justice that form the foundation of a good and noble character. 

The Quranic Guidance on Respecting Boundaries 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Noor (24), Verse 27: 

‘O those of you who are believers, do not enter houses (of other people) except your own homes; unless you have permission from them, (and when you do) say Salaams upon the inhabitants; this is better for you (so that you can respect each other’s privacy) in (the application of) your thinking.’ 

Although this verse speaks specifically about the act of entering another person’s home, its principle can be extended to all of our personal boundaries. The idea that we must always ask for permission is a clear mark of respect. When your child is able to say, in a polite but firm way, ‘Please do not touch my hair,’ they are practising the very kind of dignity that the Quran encourages. 

The Prophetic Teaching on Modesty and Respect 

It is recorded in Sunan Ibn Majah, Hadith 4182, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Every religion has its distinct characteristic, and the distinct characteristic of Islam is modesty.’ 

This hadith shows us that the concept of modesty is not just about the way that we dress; it is about our general conduct and our respect for the boundaries of both ourselves and of others. When your child is able to maintain their own personal space in a calm and respectful way, they are embodying this beautiful concept of modesty. 

Guiding your child to handle any form of unwanted touching with a calm sense of confidence is a way of teaching them a lifelong form of dignity. They can learn from these experiences that it is possible for them to be kind without being passive, and to be firm without being harsh. 

Your own reassurance can help them to see that protecting their personal space is not an act of rudeness, but an act of self-respect that is rooted in their faith. Over time, this understanding can become a natural part of their identity, of knowing that every believer has the right to be treated with a sense of care, and the duty to treat others in the same way. 

When they are able to say, ‘Please do not touch that,’ with a sense of poise and of sincerity, they are not just defending their own boundaries; they are practising the art of respect in its truest and most graceful form, just as it has been taught to us in our beautiful religion of Islam.