What should they do when a group starts trashing a changing room and says “no snitches”? 

Parenting Perspective 

When your child witnesses their peers damaging property, the fear of being labelled a ‘snitch’ can be overwhelming. They may feel trapped between loyalty to their friends and loyalty to what is right. Your role is to teach them that real integrity sometimes means choosing respect over acceptance. Begin by acknowledging that their fear is real, but explain that courage is about doing what is right even when it feels uncomfortable. 

Helping Your Child Understand the Bigger Picture 

Calmly explain that there is a difference between ‘snitching’ and ‘speaking up’. Snitching is done with the intention of getting someone into trouble; speaking up is done to prevent harm. You could say, ‘When you tell an adult that others are destroying things, you are protecting your school, your teachers, and the people who will have to clean or pay for the damage.’ This helps your child to see their action as one of care, not of betrayal. 

Give Them Safe and Smart Options 

A child does not always need to confront a group directly to do the right thing. Discuss a few safer alternatives with them. 

• Quietly leave the scene before the situation gets worse. 

• Find a teacher, caretaker, or senior student and alert them discreetly. 

• Report the incident anonymously if the school has a system for it. 

• Talk to you or another trusted adult immediately afterwards. 

If the group pressures them, you can rehearse a few calm and neutral responses, such as, ‘I do not want to get into trouble for this,’ or ‘This is going too far.’ 

Reinforcing Integrity Over Popularity 

Many children in this situation will worry about losing their friends. Remind them that true friends would not ask them to stay quiet about wrongdoing. At home, make a point of celebrating honesty. If your child admits to a mistake, praise their truthfulness before you address the action. This builds an understanding that speaking the truth, even when it is uncomfortable, is what earns lasting respect. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam teaches that a believer is trustworthy, fair, and never joins in with wrongdoing, even silently. Remaining neutral when harm is being done is not a virtue; it is a quiet form of participation in injustice. When your child learns this, they will understand that truthfulness is not about ‘telling on’ others, but about standing with what is pleasing to Allah. 

Speaking the Truth with Wisdom 

The Quran reminds us that our commitment to justice is sacred and requires both courage and faith. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Nisa (4), Verse 135: 

‘O you who are believers, remain upright in upholding justice, bearing witness (to such actions) for the sake of Allah (Almighty); even if it goes against your own interest, or that of your parents, or your close relatives…’ 

This verse teaches that silence, when the truth is required, can make a person complicit in harm. Encourage your child to speak wisely not to humiliate, but to correct; not to boast, but to protect. 

Protecting the Community from Harm 

The teachings of our Prophet ﷺ show that every believer has a duty to prevent harm within their capacity. 

It is recorded in Sunan Ibn Majah, Hadith 4013, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Whoever among you sees an evil, let him change it with his hand; if he cannot, then with his tongue; and if he cannot, then with his heart and that is the weakest of faith.’ 

This profound teaching can be applied to a child’s situation. Their capacity to ‘change it with their hand’ might be to leave the scene. To ‘change it with their tongue’ could be to alert an adult. And even if they can do neither, their silent disapproval and discomfort in their heart is still an act of faith. Remind them that being among those who protect what is good makes them beloved to Allah, even if it costs them the temporary approval of their peers.