What should they do when a friend spams late at night? 

Parenting Perspective 

When a friend is sending constant late-night messages, whether they are memes, jokes, or long chats, your child might be left feeling stuck. They may want to be polite and to respond, but they may also be feeling tired or overwhelmed. Helping your child to understand that setting boundaries does not have to mean being unkind can teach them how to care for both other people and for themselves at the same time. 

Teaching That Boundaries Can Still Be Kind 

You can begin by explaining to your child, ‘Even our good friends do not need to be available to us all of the time.’ This can help them to see that a friendship does not have to depend on a sense of constant access, and that their own need for rest, for school, and for family time all deserve to be protected. You can teach them that it is possible to love other people and to also limit our communication with them, and that this is in fact a sign of emotional maturity. 

Coaching Them in Polite but Firm Responses 

You can give your child a few simple and polite lines that they can send to their friend earlier in the evening, before the late-night messages have a chance to begin. 

• ‘I am going to be going offline early tonight to get some sleep. I will catch you tomorrow!’ 

• ‘I am heading to bed soon, but I will be sure to reply to you in the morning.’ 

• ‘Hey, it is getting a bit late here. I will text you tomorrow.’ 

These simple sentences are warm, not harsh. They are able to communicate a sense of care without any blame, and can help to set a gentle and predictable rhythm for their communication. If their friend continues to message them late into the night, your child can simply mute their notifications or put their phone on to the ‘Do Not Disturb’ mode. 

Helping Them to Understand Different Routines 

Sometimes, the friend who is sending the messages may live in a different time zone or may have looser rules in their own home. You can encourage your child to have a sense of empathy for their friend’s situation, without them having to sacrifice their own needs. You could suggest that your child sends a kind and simple explanation: ‘Your messages are popping up on my phone while I am asleep. Let us try to talk after school tomorrow instead!’ This can help to keep the friendship intact while also protecting a sense of balance. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam honours both the act of showing kindness to others and the act of caring for ourselves. Maintaining a healthy sense of balance between our social connections and our own personal well-being is a sign of hikmah (wisdom). Even in our acts of worship, as believers, we are taught to have a sense of moderation and to avoid a state of exhaustion. 

The Quranic Reminder About Balance and Rest 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Furqaan (25), Verse 47: 

‘And it is He (Allah Almighty) Who has designated for you the night as a cover (for respite), and sleep for your rejuvenation; and designated the day for re-energising (the Earth with automated light energy).’ 

This verse reminds us that rest is a part of the divine design of our lives; the night is meant for our renewal, not for our constant activity. When your child is able to protect their own sleep and their sense of peace, they are honouring the natural rhythm that Allah Almighty has created for our well-being. 

The Prophetic Guidance on Night-Time Conduct 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 648, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘There is a time for this (worship) and a time for rest, so do every act at its proper time.’ 

This hadith is a beautiful reflection of the principles of balance and moderation, a reminder that even good things need to have their proper timing. By turning off their notifications and by choosing to rest at night, your child is living this prophetic principle of finding a sense of harmony between their social life and their own personal well-being. 

When your child is able to learn how to respond to these late-night messages in a way that is both gentle and firm, they are developing a lifelong skill: the art of setting their own limits without losing a sense of warmth in their relationships. They can begin to discover for themselves that our care for other people and our care for ourselves are not opposite things; they in fact complete each other. 

Your own reassurance in these moments can help them to feel strong, not guilty, for choosing to rest. Over time, they will be able to realise that every healthy boundary is a quiet way of saying, ‘My own sense of peace matters, and so does yours.’ 

When they are able to turn off their screen with a sense of calm assurance, they will be practising something that is much deeper than a simple routine. It is a kind of spiritual discipline that can help to keep both their friendships and their faith in a state of beautiful balance.