What should they do after a knock-back so courage is not lost for the day? 

Parenting Perspective 

Few moments can sting a child more than being turned away, whether it is being told ‘no’ by a peer, being ignored, or watching others continue an activity without them. To a young heart, that small social rejection can feel like a giant wall. The challenge for parents is not to try to prevent these moments from ever happening, as they are an inevitable part of life, but to help a child to recover from them quickly, without letting that one ‘no’ silence their spirit for the rest of the day. What matters most is teaching them that a rejection does not have to define them; their response to it is what truly matters. 

Begin with Empathy, Not with Fixing the Problem 

When your child comes to you feeling upset after being turned down by their peers, it is best to start by naming what has happened with a sense of calm and understanding: ‘That must have felt really hard when they said no, did it not?’ It is important to avoid rushing into solutions straight away. Children need to be able to feel their emotions before they can begin to rebuild their courage. When they feel heard and safe with you, their own emotional storm can begin to settle. Only then will you be able to guide them forward. 

Teach That ‘No’ Does Not Always Mean ‘Never’ 

You can help your child to understand that a ‘no’ from a peer is often situational, not personal. You could explain, ‘Sometimes people are already in the middle of something or are feeling tired, and that is why they say no. It does not mean that they do not like you.’ You can also role-play some different responses with them at home. 

• ‘Okay, maybe we can play next time!’ 

• ‘No worries, I will see what else is going on.’ 

• ‘I will go and play my own game for now. Maybe they will join me later.’ 

Each of these phrases shows a sense of social flexibility, the ability to bounce back from a rejection in a polite and confident way. 

Reframe Rejection as a Form of Redirection 

Children who are able to shift their focus quickly are the ones who recover the fastest. You can encourage your child to redirect their energy, rather than to retreat into themselves. You could guide them to play near the other children until a new opening appears, to start a small game on their own, or to join a different group that seems more open. You could say, ‘You still have your own fun inside of you. You do not have to wait for anyone else to give it to you.’ This helps them to learn a sense of internal control and agency. 

Spiritual Insight 

In Islam, the ability to show resilience after a moment of disappointment is seen as an act of faith. Every ‘no’ that we hear and every closed door that we face can become a means of growing in our patience (sabr), our trust in Allah (tawakkul), and our humility. Teaching your child how to recover from a rejection in a kind way is not just about teaching them a social skill; it is about strengthening their spiritual core. 

The Importance of Patience and Perspective in Setbacks 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Baqarah (2), Verse 286: 

‘Allah (Almighty) does not place any burden on any human being except that which is within his capacity…’ 

This verse reminds us that every test we face, even a small moment of social rejection, is within our capacity to handle. When your child is faced with a knock-back from their peers, they can be gently reminded, ‘Allah knows that you can handle this.’ It teaches them that our setbacks are not punishments, but are in fact opportunities for us to grow in our patience and our grace. 

Finding Strength Through the Example of the Prophet ﷺ 

It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 5645, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘If Allah intends good for someone, He afflicts them with trials.’ 

This hadith shows us that even our hardships can carry a divine purpose. The holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ himself faced rejection many times, from his people, from his community, and even from those who were closest to him. Yet, he always responded with a calm sense of dignity and never with bitterness. Teaching your child that the ability to show courage after a moment of rejection is a mark of spiritual strength can help them to see that our setbacks do not diminish our worth; they can in fact deepen it. 

When your child learns how to handle these small knock-backs with a sense of kindness and composure, they are developing one of life’s most essential muscles: resilience. Each time they are able to try again, they are proving to themselves that one small ‘no’ cannot undo their confidence. 

Your own empathy, your language, and your personal example can show them how to stand tall without becoming defensive. Over time, they will discover that rejection does not have to break their courage; it can in fact refine it. They can begin to understand that Allah Almighty values their effort and their patience far more than any immediate success. 

So, when the next ‘no’ from a peer comes their way, and they are able to take a deep breath and to smile instead of shrinking away, that will be a victory that is worth more than being included in any game. It will be the quiet triumph of their faith and their character, a sign that they have learned how to keep their own heart open, no matter how the world may respond.