What should my child send when they need to cool off before replying? 

Parenting Perspective 

When emotions are running high, whether in a family group chat or during a dispute with a friend, children often type and send a message before they have had a chance to calm down. Words sent in a moment of anger, such as ‘Whatever, I do not care!’ can wound friendships and unnecessarily escalate a conflict. Children need a safe middle ground between reacting angrily and remaining coldly silent. A simple, respectful ‘pause message’ can buy them the time they need to calm down, showing that waiting to respond is a sign of maturity, not weakness. 

Explain How a ‘Pause Message’ Protects Friendships 

Begin by telling your child: ‘When you are feeling upset, the first words you type are often the ones you will regret later. Sending a short pause message protects both you and your friend from those words.’ This helps to reframe the act of pausing not as a sign of weakness, but as a sign of emotional strength. 

Provide Simple and Respectful ‘Pause’ Scripts 

Equip your child with short, polite phrases they can easily copy and paste when their emotions begin to rise. 

• ‘I need a moment to think. I will reply a bit later.’ 

• ‘I do not want to say the wrong thing. Can we talk in a little while?’ 

• ‘I am feeling upset right now. I will message you when I am calmer.’ 

These scripts respectfully set a boundary while signalling that they still care about the conversation. 

Teach That Tone Matters, Even in a Text 

Coach your child to avoid using all caps, multiple exclamation marks, or abrupt one-word replies, even when sending a pause message. A calm tone, perhaps softened with a single kind emoji, ensures the message is received well. 

Create a Practical Routine for Cooling Off 

Encourage your child to follow three simple steps after sending their pause message. 

• Step away: Put the phone down for at least ten minutes. 

• Self-regulate: Do something calming, such as taking deep breaths, drawing, or stretching. 

• Return later: Come back to the conversation with a clearer head, ready to respond kindly. 

This routine helps them to connect the act of respectful communication with the skill of managing their emotions. 

Practise the ‘Pause and Send’ Method 

You can role-play different scenarios where someone sends a frustrating message. Ask your child, ‘Which of the cooling-off phrases would you choose to send here?’ Praise their choice: ‘That sounded very respectful, even though the message was upsetting.’ Rehearsing these responses builds the confidence they need to use them in a real-life situation. 

Spiritual Insight 

Holding Back Harsh Words Is an Act of Worship 

Islam teaches that having the ability to show restraint during a moment of anger is a sign of true strength and a source of great divine reward. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Aalai Imran (3), Verses 134: 

‘Those (the believers are the ones) that spend (in the way of Allah Almighty) in times of abundance and hardship; they suppress their anger; and are forgiving to people; and Allah (Almighty) loves those who are benevolent.’ 

This beautiful verse highlights that true goodness is found not in winning an argument, but in controlling one’s anger and protecting relationships. Sending a calm ‘pause message’ is a modern, practical way of living this verse. 

The Prophet’s ﷺTeaching on Silence in Anger 

The holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ gave his followers direct and clear guidance on how to control their speech during heated moments. 

It is recorded in Sahih Bkhari, 6116, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘If any of you becomes angry, let him keep silent.’ 

This hadith can be applied directly to modern communication. A parent can explain: ‘When you feel angry during a text conversation, choosing silence – or sending a respectful pause message – is a way of following the Prophet’s ﷺ advice. It protects you from saying something harmful, whether with your tongue or with your thumbs.’ 

By grounding this social skill in the Quran and Sunnah, children learn that cooling off before replying is not only socially wise but also spiritually rewarding.