What Should My Child Say When They Receive Unkind Messages? 

Parenting Perspective 

Receiving an unkind or hurtful message can be a deeply upsetting experience for a child. Their first, natural reaction might be to reply with anger, to withdraw into a hurt silence, or to allow the words to damage their self-esteem. By teaching them how to respond with calmness and respect, you can help them to protect their feelings and show them that it is possible to rise above negativity without adding to it. 

Equip Them with Calm, Boundary-Setting Phrases 

Give your child a few simple, powerful phrases that can close down a negative conversation without fuelling the fire. You could suggest they use clear and respectful statements such as: 

• ‘I do not think that was a kind thing to say.’ 

• ‘I would rather not talk like this, so I am leaving the conversation.’ 

• ‘Let us stop this conversation for now.’ 

These phrases are not aggressive, but they are firm in setting a clear boundary. 

Teach the Strength of Disengagement 

Explain to your child that they are not obligated to reply to every message they receive, especially unkind ones. You can say, ‘Not every message deserves an answer. Sometimes, the strongest and wisest thing you can do is to ignore it.’ This helps them to understand that walking away digitally is just as valid and important as walking away from a conflict in real life. Silence can be a powerful response. 

Advise Them to Keep a Record 

It is also a sensible precaution to teach your child to take screenshots of any persistently unkind messages. This does not mean they should dwell on them, but it gives them the confidence of knowing that they have a record and can seek help from a trusted adult if the behaviour continues or escalates. This empowers them with a sense of safety and control. 

Lead by Your Own Example 

Share with your child how you handle frustrating digital communication in your own life. You might say, ‘When I get a message that makes me feel upset, I never reply straight away. I give myself time to calm down, and then I decide if it is better to respond politely or not to respond at all.’ Your example shows them how adults handle online pressure with maturity. 

Acknowledge and Praise Their Self-Control 

When your child makes the brave choice to respond calmly or not to respond at all be sure to affirm their strength. You could say, ‘I really liked how you stayed respectful and did not get drawn into that argument. That showed real strength of character.’ This helps to build their pride in their own maturity over their initial emotional reaction. 

By giving your child a clear script, the option of silence, and your unwavering support, you empower them to handle the challenges of digital unkindness with dignity and grace. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam teaches believers to avoid the trap of returning harm for harm. Instead, the noble, prophetic way is to meet negativity and ignorance with patience, calmness, and a quiet dignity that protects one’s own heart. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Fussilat (41), Verse 34: 

‘ And the good actions cannot be equivalent to the mistaken action; (therefore) repel (your mistaken action) with that which is a good action; so, when (you discover) that there is enmity between you and them, (your patience and resilience shall transform them) as if he was a devoted friend.‘ 

This beautiful verse teaches the transformative power of responding to negativity with goodness. While it is not always easy, choosing a better, kinder response has the power to diffuse anger and even mend relationships. 

It is recorded in Riyadh Al Saliheen, Hadith 45, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The strong man is not the one who overpowers others, but the strong man is the one who controls himself when angry.’ 

This hadith is a perfect reminder for a child who feels the urge to retaliate against an unkind message. It teaches that real strength lies not in the sharpness of one’s reply, but in the self-control it takes to respond with patience and dignity. 

When children learn to respond to unkind messages with calmness and self-restraint, they are not only protecting their own emotional well-being but are also living out the prophetic manners in their online interactions. These important habits teach them that dignity, patience, and kindness are always more powerful than any harsh word.