What should my child do when trust was broken but they still share classes? 

Parenting Perspective 

When a sense of trust has been broken, whether it is through gossip, the sharing of secrets, or a broken promise, children can often be left feeling stuck somewhere between a feeling of hurt and of awkwardness. The situation can become even harder when they have to keep seeing that same friend every day in their class at school. Teaching your child how to manage this difficult situation with a sense of composure can help them to protect their own peace, without having to create any further hostility. 

Guiding Them to Find Calm After a Betrayal 

It is important to begin by validating the pain that your child is feeling. You could say, ‘It really hurts when someone you have trusted lets you down. That feeling is a real and a valid one.’ You can also acknowledge that the act of forgiveness and the rebuilding of trust are not the same thing; one is an act of kindness, while the other is something that must be earned back over time. You can explain to your child that it is possible for them to remain polite, without them having to pretend that nothing has happened. 

Teaching the Balance of Maintaining Distance with Decency 

You can encourage your child to maintain a set of civil boundaries that are calm, kind, but also firm. You could say, ‘You do not have to be close friends with them again, but you can still be courteous towards them.’ You can then help them to practise some neutral and steady responses to use in their daily interactions. 

• A simple ‘Hi’ or a polite nod when they are passing in the corridor. 

• Being willing to work together on a group project when it is required, without having to engage in any private conversation. 

• Keeping their verbal responses brief but still polite. 

This can teach them a sense of emotional maturity, of learning that they are able to cooperate with another person in a shared space, without having to re-open their old wounds. 

Helping Them to Rebuild Their Confidence and Perspective 

After an experience of betrayal, children can often begin to question their own judgment. They may think, ‘How did I not see this coming?’, or ‘Can I ever trust anyone again?’ It is important to reassure them that the act of trusting another person is not a weakness; it is a sign of their own sincerity. You could say, ‘You did not do anything wrong by trusting them. You did the right thing by caring for them.’ This can help them to remain open-hearted, rather than becoming cynical. You can also encourage them to rebuild their confidence gradually by forming new and lighter friendships. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam teaches believers to forgive with sincerity, but also to place their trust in a wise and considered way. Even the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ was known to have forgiven those who had hurt him, but he remained discerning about who he chose to confide in. Teaching your child this important distinction can help them to live with both a sense of compassion and a sense of caution, two qualities that, when they are brought together, can form a profound sense of emotional intelligence. 

The Quranic Teaching on Forgiveness and Prudence 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Shuraa (42), Verse 43: 

‘And for the person who is patient and forgiving, indeed, (these acts are derived from) higher moral determination.’ 

This verse honours the act of forgiveness as an act of great strength, not of submission. When your child is able to let go of their feelings of bitterness towards the one who has hurt them, but is still able to keep a wise sense of distance, they are embodying this quality of ‘azm (steadfastness). An act of forgiveness can help to cleanse the heart, while a sense of prudence can help to guard it. 

The Prophetic Example of a Strong Believer 

It is recorded in Sunan Ibn Majah, Hadith 79, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The strong believer is better and more beloved to Allah than the weak believer, though both are good. Strive for what benefits you, seek help from Allah, and do not lose heart.’ 

This hadith teaches us the importance of having a sense of resilience in the face of our disappointments. When your child is able to continue to share a space with someone who has broken their trust, their strength can be seen to lie in their ability to remain composed, to focus on what will benefit them, such as their own learning and their own good manners, and to rely on Allah rather than on any feelings of resentment. 

Helping your child to navigate their shared spaces after their trust has been broken can teach them a great deal about both emotional and spiritual maturity. They can learn from this that an act of forgiveness is a gift that we can give to ourselves, not a free pass that we have to give to other people. 

Your own calm support in these moments can help them to rebuild their confidence, and to learn how to neither harden their heart nor to allow it to crumble. Over time, they will come to see for themselves that a true sense of dignity lies in their ability to walk the middle path, of being peaceful, firm, and free from any feelings of resentment. 

When they are able to sit beside that same friend again in their class, to offer them a polite smile but to also keep their own sense of peace intact, they will be practising one of the noblest lessons of our faith: to remain gracious in their conduct, to be careful in their trust, and to remain unwavering in their own self-respect, all under the gentle and loving gaze of Allah.