What should my child do when a friend spreads a rumour about them? 

Parenting Perspective 

Few things can wound a child’s heart more deeply than discovering that a friend has spread a rumour about them. It can feel like a deep betrayal and can leave them feeling confused, embarrassed, and isolated. Your child may ask, ‘Why would they say that?’, or ‘Should I tell everyone that it is not true?’ Before you begin to guide them through what to do, it is important to first help them to feel safe and to know that you believe them. A sense of emotional steadiness must always come before any kind of strategy. 

Start by Calming Their Hurt 

It is best to begin by affirming your child’s feelings: ‘That must feel awful. It is so hard when someone you trust says something that is untrue about you.’ You should allow them to talk before you begin to offer any advice. When a child feels that they have been truly heard, their feelings of anger and sadness can begin to soften, making space for some clear thinking. You can remind them, ‘A rumour can often say more about the person who is spreading it than it does about the person it is about.’ This can help your child to see that the other person’s unkindness is a reflection of their own struggles, not of your child’s worth. 

Teach the Difference Between Defending and Escalating 

A child’s first instinct in this situation might be to fight back, either by trying to correct everyone who has heard the rumour or by saying something hurtful in return. You can gently guide them towards the idea of a controlled truth, not of creating more chaos. You could coach them in a calm response to use if they are confronted by their peers. 

• ‘That is not true. I am not sure why that was said, but it is not what happened.’ 

• ‘I would rather not talk about other people. I would prefer to sort this out quietly.’ 

These short and steady replies can help them to show a sense of confidence and dignity. They can protect your child’s integrity without feeding the gossip. 

Encourage a Private and Calm Conversation with the Friend 

If your child feels ready, you can guide them to speak privately to the friend who started the rumour. You can role-play the tone together, which should be firm but also respectful: ‘When you said that about me, it really hurt my feelings. I would like to understand why you said it.’ If the friend apologises, your child can then decide for themselves whether they want to try to rebuild the trust slowly. If the friend denies it, you can remind your child that not all friendships are meant to continue, and that forgiveness can coexist with a sense of distance. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam teaches that guarding one’s tongue and honouring the dignity of others are both central to a good character. The act of spreading rumours (ghibah and namimah) is considered a serious sin, while the act of responding to a falsehood with patience and with truth can bring an immense reward. Helping your child to handle a rumour with a sense of calmness and integrity can teach them both emotional resilience and spiritual strength. 

The Gravity of Rumours and the Strength of Truth 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Hujuraat (49), Verse 6: 

‘O you, who are believers, if there comes to you a deviant (person) with information, then cross-examine it; as it may cause you (unintentionally) to harm a nation in ignorance; as then afterwards you will become regretful over your actions.’ 

This verse teaches us the importance of verification, restraint, and fairness, all of which are the antidote to gossip. When your child is able to refuse to react with anger or to spread any counter-rumours, they are following this divine wisdom. 

The Prophetic Warning Against Slander 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 105, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘A person who spreads tales will not enter Paradise.’ 

This hadith shows the great seriousness of spreading rumours in the sight of Allah. It can also be a source of comfort for those who have been wronged, a reminder that Allah Almighty sees every injustice, even the quiet and hidden ones. Your child’s task is not to seek revenge, but to remain steadfast in the truth and to try to find a place of forgiveness in their own heart. 

Guiding your child through the pain of false rumours is a way of nurturing both their courage and their sense of calm. They can learn that the way they respond to a situation matters more than what was said about them in the first place. 

Your own reassurance in these moments, listening to them without panic, encouraging a measured response, and modelling a spirit of forgiveness, can teach them that they are not defined by the words of others, but by their own character. 

Spiritually, these moments can help to shape the qualities of humility and patience. Each time your child is able to choose a calm and truthful response over an angry reaction, they are aligning themselves with the noble qualities that Allah Almighty loves: restraint, justice, and grace.