What should my child do if an older kid ‘rough teaches’ them a move? 

Parenting Perspective 

When an older child tries to ‘teach’ a physical skill by grabbing, yanking, or forcing a movement, your child can feel confused. They may want to be included, but their body is telling them that it is all too much. Your aim is to give them clear words, a safe physical stance, and a simple plan that protects their dignity without escalating the situation. 

Coach a Protective Stance First 

Coach your child to adopt a protective physical stance: feet apart with one foot back, and hands up in a gentle ‘stop’ position. Practise taking one step back while saying in a calm voice, ‘That is too hard for me. Gentle only, please.’ A child’s body can often freeze under pressure, so practising the movement first can help to unlock their voice. 

Teach a Simple, Three-Line Boundary 

Rehearse a short script that they can use with any older child. 

• ‘I would like to learn, but not in a rough way.’ 

• ‘Can you show me slowly?’ 

• ‘If it is going to be rough, then I am out.’ 

The tone should be even, and they should not feel the need to apologise for prioritising their safety. 

Encourage Them to Name an Alternative 

Children are often better at holding boundaries when they can point to an acceptable alternative. 

• ‘Can you show me without holding my arm?’ 

• ‘Please use one finger to point, not your hands to pull.’ 

• ‘I will join in if we can do it in slow-motion.’ 

This keeps the door open to safe learning while making the limit clear. 

Plan Clear Exit Strategies 

Agree in advance on two different exit strategies: one they can use themselves, and one that is supported by an adult. For a self-exit, they could say, ‘I am just going to get a water break,’ and walk away. For an adult-supported exit, they can go directly to the nearest trusted adult and say, ‘They are being too rough while teaching. I need some help.’ 

Older child: ‘Come on, let me show you.’ (Grabs their wrist). 

Your child: (Steps back, hands up) ‘That is too hard for me. Can you show me slowly?’ 

Older child: ‘It is fine, do not worry.’ 

Your child: ‘Slowly, or I am out.’ (If still rough, they walk away). 

Debrief Afterwards Without Shame 

On the way home, you can ask, ‘At what point did your body first tell you this is too rough?’ Praise the moment they used their stance or their words. It is best to avoid criticising the other child and keep the focus on your own child’s developing skills. 

Speak to the Supervisor Calmly 

If you have witnessed repeated instances of rough ‘teaching’, you could approach the coach or supervisor privately: ‘Some of the older children are showing the moves by grabbing. Could we remind everyone to demonstrate hands-off and in slow-motion first?’ 

Teach Empathy and Reciprocity 

If your child is ever the older one in a similar situation, you can flip the script: ‘When you are the one teaching, you must ask first. You should demonstrate slowly, and never use your hands to move someone else’s body.’ 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam teaches us to protect ourselves and others with gentleness and clarity. Your child’s calm boundary is not an act of rudeness; it is an act of respect for the trust (amanah) that Allah Almighty has placed in them to guard their own body and dignity. 

Repel Evil with Something Better 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Fussilat (41), Verse 34: 

‘And the good actions cannot be equivalent to the mistaken action; (therefore) repel (your mistaken action) with that which is a good action; so, when (you discover) that there is enmity between you and them, (your patience and resilience shall transform them) as if he was a devoted friend.’ 

This verse reminds us that firm kindness can transform a tense moment. Choosing to use clear and respectful words over an angry reaction is a higher road that can often turn conflict into cooperation. 

It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 10, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The Muslim is the one from whose tongue and hand the people are safe.’ 

This teaches us that our speech and actions must always keep others safe. When your child refuses rough handling and asks for a slower demonstration, they are honouring this prophetic standard and inviting the other child to do the same. 

Encourage your child to make a quiet intention before activities: ‘O Allah, please help me to learn well and keep everyone safe.’ Explain that stepping back from roughness is part of their duty to protect their body, while offering a slower option is an act of mercy to others.