What should I say when they accuse me of picking sides? 

Parenting Perspective 

Validating Their Perception 

When a child says, “You always take their side!”, it is not just about the moment; it is about their deeper sense of fairness. Whether or not the claim is factually true, the feeling behind it is very real. If you dismiss their accusation with a defensive phrase like, “That is not true!” or “Stop being dramatic,” you risk shutting down their trust. 

Instead, begin by naming the emotion: “It sounds like you feel I am being unfair.” This simple statement shows you are listening, not defending yourself. You can then calmly invite them to talk more by saying, “Help me understand what made you feel that way.” This approach not only de-escalates the situation but also models how to express difficult feelings respectfully. Children are constantly looking for fairness, and your tone in these moments teaches them whether they can come to you when they feel wronged. 

Upholding Transparency 

You should make it a clear family norm that fairness does not mean identical treatment for everyone. You can explain this by saying, “I treat each of you based on what is right in the moment, not on who I like more.” If one child needs comfort and the other needs correction, explain the reasoning behind your actions. You can say, “Right now, your brother is upset. That does not mean he is right; it just means he needs help calming down.” 

Later, reflect with them in a one-on-one setting. Let them know their feelings matter: “It is okay to feel upset. I want us to talk about it, even if we see things differently.” Over time, your calm clarity will become their internal guide for justice, even when their emotions are running high. 

Spiritual Insight 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Nisa (4), Verse 135: 

‘O you who are believers, remain upright in upholding justice, bearing witness (to such actions) for the sake of Allah (Almighty); even if it goes against your own interest, or that of your parents, or your close relatives…’ 

This verse teaches us that fairness is not about emotion or loyalty; it is about the truth and standing by what is right, even when it is difficult. 

It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 7170, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Beware! Whoever is cruel and hard on an orphan, I will be his opponent on the Day of Judgement.’ 

While this hadith speaks directly about orphans, it shows how seriously Islam treats the rights of the vulnerable and how much importance Allah Almighty places on just and compassionate treatment. When your children accuse you of favouritism, they are essentially asking, “Can I trust you to be fair, even when I mess up?” Your job is not to be perfect but to be principled, transparent, and kind. That is the kind of justice that plants security in their hearts.