What should I say when their idea for a game isn’t chosen by siblings? 

Parenting Perspective 

For a child, suggesting a game to their siblings or friends is more than just offering an activity. It is often a way of saying, ‘Notice me. Value my ideas. Please include me.’ When their suggestion is ignored or rejected in favour of another sibling’s choice, the disappointment can feel very personal. They may sulk, lash out, or refuse to join in with the group at all. As a parent, you have the chance to turn this everyday family conflict into a valuable lesson in resilience, sharing, and emotional intelligence. 

Acknowledge Their Hurt 

When their idea is dismissed, it is best to avoid phrases like “Do not be so silly” or “It does not matter.” Instead, you can validate their feelings: 

• ‘I know you really wanted your game to be chosen, and it feels disappointing when it is not.’ 

• ‘It is okay to feel sad when your idea is not the one that is picked.’ 

This helps them to feel seen and heard, even if their choice of game is not played. 

Teach the Value of Turn-Taking 

Explain that fairness in families and friendships means that everyone gets a chance to lead sometimes: 

• ‘Today it was not your turn, but another day your idea will be the one that is chosen.’ 

• ‘Taking turns fairly means that everyone gets to feel included over time.’ 

This teaches them patience and helps to reduce the sting of rejection by showing them that their voice does matter in the long run. 

Highlight the Importance of Compromise 

Encourage them to see the strength and benefit in joining in with the group, even when their own choice is not the one that is picked: 

• ‘You can still have a lot of fun, even if it is not your favourite game today.’ 

• ‘Sometimes, joining in with the ideas of others is what helps everyone to enjoy their time together.’ 

This helps them to value togetherness over the need to always have their own way. 

Offer a Future Promise 

Reassure your child that their idea has not been forgotten or dismissed forever: 

• ‘Let us make a special plan to play your game tomorrow so that it definitely gets its turn.’ 

• You could even write it down on a family chart or calendar so they can see that their idea is being taken seriously and respected. 

This simple act gives them a sense of hope and helps to restore their feeling of fairness within the family. 

Share Your Own Experiences 

Tell them about times when your own ideas were not chosen in a group, but you still joined in with the activity and later had your own turn. This shows them that being overlooked on occasion is a normal part of life and not a rejection of their personal worth. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam teaches us to honour one another, to share fairly, and to show patience when our own personal preferences are not the ones that are chosen. By linking these everyday lessons to their faith, you can show your child that giving up their own preference gracefully is a beautiful act of good character. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Hashar (59), Verse 9: 

‘…And giving preference over themselves, even though they were impecunious themselves…’ 

This verse highlights the incredible virtue of sacrificing one’s own preference for the sake of making others happy. For a child, this means that joining in with a sibling’s choice of game with a good attitude is a noble act of generosity. 

It is recorded in Sunan Ibn Majah, Hadith 66, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘None of you truly believes until he loves for his brother what he loves for himself.’ 

This hadith shows that a part of our faith is to wish for happiness for our siblings too. Even if their own idea is not chosen, learning to share in the joy of their sibling’s choice is a sign of both maturity and strong character. 

By sharing these teachings, you can help your child to see that not having their idea chosen is not a form of rejection, but rather a chance to practise patience, kindness, and empathy. They learn that their worth is not tied to always being chosen, but is found in how gracefully they can accept the choices of others and share in their joy. 

Over time, they will grow into young believers who understand that true strength is found not in always leading, but in sometimes being able to step back with love and trust. They will feel secure in the knowledge that their turn will come, and that Allah Almighty sees and values every single act of patience and fairness.