What should I say when plans change and my child feels let down? 

Parenting Perspective 

Children often thrive on routine and anticipation. When they look forward to a special plan, such as a trip, a visit from a relative, or a family outing, they invest their emotions into it. When those plans suddenly change or are cancelled, they can feel deeply disappointed, angry, or even betrayed. For a child, this is not simply about the plan itself, but about the loss of a happy expectation and the feeling that life is unfair. As a parent, your response in these moments can teach them how to handle disappointment, adapt to change, and trust that life can still hold joy even when things do not go as expected. 

Acknowledge Their Disappointment 

The first and most important step is to validate their feelings instead of brushing them aside. Avoid saying things like, “It does not matter” or “Stop making such a fuss.” Instead, you could try: 

• ‘I know you were really looking forward to this. It feels very hard when things do not go the way we had hoped.’ 

• ‘It is okay to feel upset. To be honest, I feel a little disappointed too.’ 

This shows them that their emotions are both valid and respected. 

Explain the Reason With Honesty and Simplicity 

Children cope much better with changes when they understand the reasons behind them. Use clear but gentle words to explain the situation: 

• ‘We have had to cancel our plan because the weather has made it unsafe to travel.’ 

• ‘Grandma is not feeling well today, so we need to change our plans to help her rest.’ 

Your honesty helps them to see that the change was not because they are unimportant, but was due to circumstances beyond anyone’s control. 

Reframe the Change as an Opportunity 

Once you have acknowledged their sadness, you can gently help them to look forward to some positive alternatives: 

• ‘We cannot do what we had planned today, but perhaps we can try something else fun at home instead.’ 

• ‘Let us reschedule for another day and think of a way to make it even more special when we do it.’ 

This teaches them how to shift their mindset from one of rigid disappointment to one of flexible problem-solving. 

Teach That Disappointment Is Part of Life 

You can use this moment as a gentle opportunity to build their resilience: 

• ‘Sometimes in life, plans have to change, and it can feel unfair. But learning to adjust to new situations helps us to grow stronger.’ 

• ‘Life does not always go exactly how we want it to, but we can still find joy in what we do have.’ 

This important lesson helps to prepare them for the bigger disappointments they will inevitably face in life. 

Provide Comfort and Connection 

Offer something that helps to soothe the sting of their disappointment: 

• Spend some quality time with them, even if it is just a smaller activity at home. 

• Let them choose a family game to play, a story to read, or a special snack to share, which can help to restore their sense of control. 

• Reassure them with affection: ‘I know you are sad, but I love spending time with you no matter what we are doing.’ 

This communicates a powerful message: while plans may change, your love and presence for them will always remain constant. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam teaches us that while we may make our own plans, the ultimate outcome always rests with Allah Almighty. Sometimes our plans change because Allah, in His infinite wisdom, has decreed something different for us. This may hold a hidden good that we cannot yet see. Teaching your child this perspective helps them to accept life’s inevitable changes with patience and a deep sense of trust. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Anfaal (8), Verse 30: 

‘…And they continued with their cynical scheming, and Allah (Almighty) responded to them with his own plan, and Allah (Almighty) is the best of planners.’ 

This verse reminds us that no matter how carefully we prepare for something, the plan of Allah Almighty is always greater and wiser. For your child, this means that a cancelled plan is not simply a disappointment, but a part of the perfect and wise design of Allah. 

It is recorded in Musnad Ahmad, Hadith 637, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Be mindful of Allah, and you will find Him in front of you. Recognise Him in times of ease and He will recognise you in times of hardship. And know that what has passed you by was not going to befall you, and what has befallen you was not going to pass you by. And know that victory comes with patience, relief with affliction, and ease with hardship.’ 

This hadith teaches a child that disappointments are never accidents, but are written with divine wisdom. If something did not happen, it was simply not meant for them, and something even better may be waiting for them in the future. 

By grounding them in this understanding, you can help your child to see that while human plans may fail, the plan of Allah Almighty never does. They can learn that patience in disappointment brings strength, and that a hidden good often lies in what feels like a loss. 

Over time, they will grow into young believers who are able to face life’s changes with calmness, flexibility, and a profound trust in the wisdom of Allah, finding peace in the knowledge that every plan, whether it is fulfilled or cancelled, carries a divine purpose.